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And honestly, I am still confused, because I've thought of money being what I wanted, then "what is my actual target?, what amount will be enough?" is the next question I asked myself, and I realized I didn't actually have any amount in mind, and this made me conclude that money wasnt really what I wanted, but it's not fun either, cus I cant have fun if I am not winning, like I would always say, " there is no fun in losing money".
This is serious judging by your experience in gambling, notwithstanding, thanks for throwing it on board, at least, some people who are confused like you, or who feel they are confused may find answers.
From what you narrated above, I am confident that you are gambling for the money, and here is why. First, it's clear that you are not gambling for fun since you don't seem to be taking it easy with gambling. You are such that risk so well and also conversant with it, so that can't be for the fun part, because those who gamble for fun will take it easy, which will naturally cause them to wager lower amounts per bet.
Now, it doesn't matter if you have a target before you admit you are gambling for the money, in as much as you like gambling and are not satisfied and still pressing high figures or somewhat higher figures than an ordinary fun-seeking gambler would do, then you are for the money even if you do not admit that. Having a target in gambling is a choice, it is never compulsory the way you make it a basis to decipher.
1. What exactly do you want from gambling? Say it, even if it's something you don't think is possible to achieve.
Mine is clear, I seek my fun through casinos and try to make money through sports betting. Also, I've never been aggressive with my betting to make the money and I am a conservative bettor any time, any day.
2. What steps have you take to see if you can achieve that which you want from gambling?
As you can deduce from the above, mine is mild, so I do not really give gambling that thought since my focus for money making is elsewhere. However, I have a low betting plan on casino games and I strictly manage my sports betting even as I go for the least possible difficulties.
Are you like me? Gambling with no sense of goal, direction?
Nah, bro! Far from it. But it is not too late for you to put the pieces together and have a goal and the plans to achieve it.