Topic: Is marriage a kind of punishment? - page 9. (Read 2100 times)

It is a partnership of two people who want to commit to one another. Marriage is love, work and compromise. It is mutual-respect. happiness and sometimes frustration, but people in marriage are tend and willing to find solution.

It simply depends on the angled it's viewed from,marriage can be both a blessing and a sort of punishment,getting married to the right person who will always be there for you in both good and bad times is the best feeling ever.
  Most times marriage can be a punishment if your lover turns out to be a thorn in your flesh,or if you find it difficult to control your sexual urge,you may find yourself regretting the fact why you got married,since you still have the desire to explore  
  So before getting married you have to be ready for it's various commitments and be sure you're really in love with your partner,as marriage is not always a roller coaster ride,there are numerous bumbs on the way.

The repressed anger here is probably coming from you and I can certainly think of a few reasons why. You already said everything I needed to know, but care to name the three dozen complexes I have since you're an expert psychologist?


Again, more strawmen that you're just making up to suit your argument. Maybe you should actually read what I wrote because your entire "point" is moot and irrelevant because I've never told or taught a women it's wrong to live a 'traditional' lifestyle and I wouldn't tell them what I think they should or shouldn't be doing like you. I'm perfectly fine with men or women playing a 'traditional' role if that's what they're happy with and consent to, but I'm not happy with people expecting either men or women to fit into certain molds that cannot be changed because it can be incredibly damaging and stifling. I even explicitly stated so in my first response to you that you conveniently ignored:


But you flew off the handle assuming everything about me and just making things up that I never said. Are you seriously angry because you genuinely think it's people like me that are to blame for ruining your chances of having your own doting Stepford sexdoll till death do you part? That's crazy. I have played no part in that, but I'm happy that domestic servitude isn't their only option these days. I think women just grew some balls and realized there's more to life than them just being a mother and a maid as a career, but if that's what they want to do then cool. I'm sure you'd still find something to complain about if that's all your wife actually did.


You've clearly made a very convincing argument here /sarcasm, but I've come to expect this sort of deflection on here when an intelligent argument cannot be made. Whenever someone complains about something being a 'screed' or 'missive' that's just a convenient way of getting out of having to actually make an argument.

Unfortunately, this trend does exist.This is not a good trend.Family is comfort, mutual understanding and love.In addition, many women can also earn more than men.I think women let men insult them.I know a married couple where the husband beats his wife all the time, but she still loves him very much.How to explain the behavior of this woman, if she herself allows to do so.

Let me tell you my opinion on marriage. Whatever you do, you will make mistake, so if you decide not to get married you will make mistake and if you decide to get married you will also make even bigger mistake. The only difference is that you can get kids out of marriage, and that is the only thing worth living for.

To sum up, yeah it can be a punishment if you look at it that way, but is it worth it, sure it is. Much better than being alone.

My opinions are well-informed, you just don't agree with them. This is just the standard knee-jerk reaction from an insecure male who has had his masculinity and archaic opinion of women and what they should be challenged. I never said women could do no wrong either. I don't believe men and women are equal in every facet either, but this isn't convenient for your strawman. I'm just telling you why marriage was created and why it's an outdated institution, which it is. If most men were secure in themselves then they wouldn't feel the need to get trapped into a marriage that serves them no purpose at all. It's a bit of paper and a ring. That paper is a legal contract. Don't sign it, especially if you don't want to get fucked over by the law.


Where did I compare all marriage to Muslim treatment of women? I'm making a point of what happens when you let insecure men make all the rules in society and when they think they have dominion over women and their bodies and force them to cover up and shut up, or else. If we didn't have things like women's rights then we'd still be living in the dark ages where women are forced to do things like wear full body capes and their only job is to stay at home, cook and clean, be used as a self-cleaning sexdoll, and shit out babies on command.


I never said it wasn't, but the question is why would you want to compromise yourself and for what?


Traditionally being the key word. Tradition is dead men's baggage - stop carrying it. Traditionally it used to be okay to beat and rape your wife whenever you wanted. Luckily times have changed. They wouldn't have if insecure men still made all the rules of society and got their way and expected women to lie down and do what is "expected" of them, and that's what still happens in some Muslim countries where women are second-class citizens with little to no rights and are at the behest of whatever their husband (or father) wills or wants from them.


Aww, is that all you ask of them? How nice of you. Sounds like you just want a nice, docile Stepford wife to meet all your needs and desires. I never said all marriage was equivalent to ownership either, but that it used to be, and sadly still is in some countries. You can still provide and protect for a woman if financial domination is your fetish and that is what she wanted, though, but what if they don't? What if they want their own careers or don't want children? That's not okay in your book? And what if your wife didn't show you "deference" and didn't do everything you wanted? A few slaps for disrespect or indifference? Dinner not ready when you come home after a hard days work? Rape? That's what used to happen and was even often socially acceptable. You obviously have a preconditioned idea of what women should be and what they should be doing for you, and that's why sexism is still a problem because this sort of abuse used to be the norm and nobody batted an eyelid.

By the way, most women don't need providing for or protecting these days and are not damsels in distress that need rescuing, and that's obviously where the issue here lies. Do you feel useless now without a wife and kids to pay for and protect or something? Again, this always comes down to male insecurity and it's why men get so upset and aggressive other it.


LOL. Seriously? You clearly just see women by their reproductive worth. Marriage doesn't stop this and men aren't going to stick around just because of it. Anyone is free to leave the other person at any point and men are still going to trade in their wives for a younger model if they can even if it's at their own expense so don't act like marriage is doing women a favor. I think it's more likely the case that you are worried about the woman leaving you and I find this is usually the case why men even get married in the first place. Marriage is very rarely a priority for men these days and is usually the women's idea that they just get roped into it out of fear of being abandoned or being cock-blocked. I'd just say no, but men probably don't want to lose the pussy on tap and end up fat, bald and all alone so they compromise and try get a legal contract or some kids to ensure they'll at least stick around for a bit and not abandon them. Poor souls.


I think this is where you get opinions mixed up with facts. In your mind you like to think of them as discontented without a man, but I think the opposite is more likely true. There's probably many more sad old lonely men that end up on the scrapheap hating and blaming women in the process.


Oh, so only men pay for taxes and social security and women are the only ones that use it? I thought you liked paying for women any way? This is where your misogyny really becomes apparent. Some people just need somebody else to blame for their own problems or failings but the only people they should be blaming are themselves. Maybe you should go live in Nigeria like the op if you want a women who will be your own personal assistant and loyal to you until the day you die. Try find one in a tax heaven as well if you're so against taxes:

https://www.fool.com/investing/general/2014/01/04/10-countries-with-zero-income-taxes.aspx

Take your pick:

    United Arab Emirates.
    Oman.
    Bahrain.
    Qatar.
    Saudi Arabia.
    Kuwait.
    Bermuda.
    Cayman Islands.

I would recommend Saudi Arabia for you. They treat women like you would probably like to over there.


By benefits you mean what? I don't see any benefits in marriage, but if you wanted to get married and were smart then there's a thing called a pre-nup. OR just don't get married. I don't get why people need a bit of paper and ring. It's meaningless. I think what you probably actually want is just a maid and a prostitute (which is essentially what marriage used to be). Would probably be cheaper for you in the long-run as well.


Checking out as in suicide? That's again to do with toxic masculinity and their inability to handle or deal with their insecurities and the failures that they often feel.


Who are you blaming for the break up of a family unit and rising divorce rates on exactly? Women? Feminism? Don't get married. That solves that problem. Marriage obviously doesn't guarantee a family unit staying together forever either and staying together just for the kids just does more damage. And are reproductive rates actually dropping, and if so, why is that a problem? Last I heard over-population is a big issue and is only going to get worse. Not sure why the world needs more kids anyhow.


Are you one of these dinosaurs that thinks everything used to be better in the good old days and the world is quickly going to hell in a hand basket? Things are far from perfect and never ever will be, but things are a lot better for both men and women in today's society, but not if you just want to treat women as cattle and use them to meet all your needs, and sorry for you, but those days are long gone and good riddance to them.


Marriage was around a lot longer before god. Religion just hijacked it.

I don't want my sisters and relatives treated that way.

I guess this is part of their society from those countries that you observed. In most countries, women has equal rights to the men and they can shift their places whenever they want.

These duties have arisen not from scratch: they rely on knowledge of male and female nature, understanding of the seven stages of relationships and types of marriage, and take into account male and female psychology.

This knowledge, if properly applied, leads to happiness.

It only turns into a punishment if both the wife and husband aren't the really compatible with each other. That is really the root of the problem. And it always end like that because people are now used to making quick decisions and some even get married just after they known each other in less than a year. They should really know each other first.

The basis of all this 'Marriage  is a kind of punishment' is a 'gender role stereotyping' .We need to come to terms with  these facts;
-some women are better leaders than their husbands.
-some men can cook better than their wives
-some men are more domesticated than their wives and many other women.
-some women are physically stronger than some men.

Africa is faced with the unpleasant yet normal situation of assigning roles based on gender. So to find a woman having to work and feed the family should not be surprising to the world. Women who do this are breaking away from society's  'gender stereotyping'.

this gender stereotyping which you have just stated is is one that hinders a people's ability to fulfill their potentials by limiting  choices and opportunities.

I personally think that marriage is not a punishment at all, nor a reward, because it is more of a responsibility and security. To marry someone is not a punishment and will never be, unless you do not love that someone --- just simple explanation like that. The primary purpose and the reason why marriage was created is because it is a way of celebrating love. However, marriage for some is not that worthy of to celebrate since a supposedly wonderful dream turns into a nightmare. And even though there are stories like that, we should not see it as a punishment. It is because every stories are different, and if we all want those stories to be beautiful, we should not perceive marriage as a punishment. If we see it negatively, how can we expect someone then to see it in a positive way?

Do not mix up - marriage in Western and Eastern worlds. It is different. Westerns sees “marriage” as the final destination in the long journey that is a relationship. As for Easterns - its a beginning, since most couples do not know or know just a few days each other. And you do not know what is good and which is bad, both have minuses and pluses. In one - it is normal to live such life ( women must take care of the household, men - the earner), in another - equality. It depends how the couple see it, for one its normal and wife is happy.

“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
--Socrates (I guess he had a bad one)

Not at all. The original purpose of God for marriage is to be enjoyed and not to be endured. That is why one need to be cleared of certain things before saying yes I do. Such as, how much of love do you have for one another? the believe and background of the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, whether its some thing you can cope with or not because believe and background of a person matters when it comes marriage.All the points you listed in your write up are real and they are happening in many marriages.I really like your school of thought because if our young ones are been properly guided and oriented before marriage I think it will be what God really want it to be.Best of luck.

Marriage has its challenges, granted. But it also has its joys. From my experience, we Africans will better enjoy marriage if we have fewer children... maybe one or two. The more the children, the more the pressure and the household labour. And as the pressure increases, love gradually decreases thereby bringing the union to the 'punishment level'

It is high time African men understood that washing, cleaning, cooking, sweeping, etc are not entirely for women. As you rightly observed, African women are now working hard to support their families' finances. The men should also return the favour by assisting their wives more in household chores.

marriage should be just a union, something that confirms that both share responsibilities in the family, should not be seen that way. What you comment can also be seen in several parts of South America, although here I have noticed an increase in liberal relationships without some kind of marriage. Maybe it's a kind of punishment but we (society) have let it be so

Yes, yes. I have been hearing my whole life and reading about even before that, where everyone is so self confident and ready to reassure themselves that we are superior to societies of the past, and have shed the stagnation of tradition with only improvement in the state of society. Also about how "equal" men are to women, but some genders are "more equal" than others depending on the prevailing socioeconomic status of the host culture.

In the Western nations women are are literally a protected class with special privileges above men. There is LITERALLY not one right for example in the USA that men have and women don't. However I could build quite a list of rights women have that men don't in the US as well as many other Western nations, not only in law but in practice.

Your opinions are little more than poorly informed knee-jerk reactions based upon standard neo-feminist indoctrination. Women can do no wrong under your rubric, and any cause in their name is a good cause no matter how destructive. Comparing all marriage to Muslim treatment of women is an intellectually dishonest comparison and little more than an attempt to smear by association.

Marriage is a compromise for both men and women. Traditionally men were responsible for their wife and children. This included providing for them and protecting them. In exchange the husband was to be provided with children, have them tended to, and be treated with deference. Honestly it is not that much to ask in exchange but Western women are conditioned by people like you that marriage is equivalent to their ownership by a man. Also, marriage ensures women, that once their reproductive years were over, they would not just be cast aside to be alone in her old age in favor of a younger and still actively reproductive woman. What a coincidence that we also have a flood of discontent aging single women in the West with men in their same age bracket not at all interested in them as relationship prospects.

Also, now days if a woman can not provide for or protect herself, the state will do so. Of course this is still paid for by men, by other men holding them at a point of a gun to collect that revenue to pay for those women to live.

So as you see men in the West now have all of the responsibility of marriage but none of the benefits. Women still get the benefits of marriage through the state while having less responsibility for themselves. It is little wonder men in the West are checking out en-mass, as divorce rates skyrocket, and reproductive rates drop like a rock, but who needs a family unit right?

However, please do enlighten me on how well things have been going since post modernism rolled out this sociological hellhole.

"I am working on an article on relationships and marriages. In my part of the world marriage feels like punishment on the female gender"

First question. Did you have a normal family? Are your parents divorced?
Quite often I hear such questions from people, who are not from complete families and do not understand therefore what family is.
The worst thing, which can happen with a person is to grow without a family.
It leads to psychological deviations.
Capitalism in Western World acts mostly to destroy the families and therefore all "feminism" oriented states are degrading.
There is no intermediate solutions here - either you get gay marriages, or man should dominate society like in Africa/Arabian world.
Humanity has two (maybe 3 options):
1. Complete degradation as it goes in Europe
2. To be replaced by robots/AI
3. Getting back to normal cultural values like in Africa/Muslim world
Women should do home job - children care, washing, cooking etc.
Man should get money, work, agriculture, children also etc.

Anything different is temporarily deviation.
Religions exist for thousands years.
Animals exist for millions years.
It s quite probably that civilization and especially cultural and political liberalization is not a social advantage, but in contrast - it is disadvantage against animals.

Judge country by child birth rates, not by income - then you get a reverse picture.

It is indeed a punishment when you marry a person you don't love.
Who would marry someone that is hated so much? or never loved?
It is a punishment if you marry a person and you don't have a stable mind, income and health. You would causetrouble not only to yourself but to the people around you.

bottomline is, why would you settle for something and someone you are not sure to be with.
marriage takes time to think