Lending money or damaging family bond ?

Bushdark

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Ultimately, the decision to lend money to a family member is a personal one that should be based on your own financial situation and your relationship with the borrower. It's important to approach the situation with open communication, honesty, and a willingness to listen and work together to find a solution that is mutually beneficial.

For me I don't even advise people to go that far of lending money to family members and at the end make it cause problem that will be very difficult to resolve. Rather than giving money that I know that I will not able to get refunds, I will rather give little and not expect any pay back from my family members since I know that it could cause serious bonding problem that will make people to ha enemity with me and my own family.

Everything we are doing we need to think and make sure that we do not do something that will backfire or make people to see us as bad people.

GideonGono

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 13, 2023, 12:05:11 AM

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Honestly I would do the samething, and if they don't want to talk to me because of it then it's fine.
We could live on our own it's not being selfish or prideful but it is not our responsibility to lend them some money when their in trouble, we have a choice and we could always reject it and they should respect it no matter what our reason would be, because it is our money we work for it.

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Quote from: Fara Chan on April 21, 2023, 10:54:18 AM

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Ultimately, the decision to lend money to a family member is a personal one that should be based on your own financial situation and your relationship with the borrower. It's important to approach the situation with open communication, honesty, and a willingness to listen and work together to find a solution that is mutually beneficial.

There is nothing wrong with helping your own family members because helping each other with fellow family members is also a very good thing. But when referring to the possibility of a dispute arising because of the loan, it is indeed a good idea not to give a loan even if it is a member of our own family. But basically helping each other as a family is a very good thing and it's not wrong if we want to do it for the welfare of our own family.

When I am faced with a situation like this, I will prioritize helping to the best of my ability. I mean, I won't give a loan, but instead I will help without wanting to be returned, yes, even if the amount is not the same as what was borrowed. I think this is better, our families who borrow it will definitely understand and they will even be more grateful. If it's like that, he won't have the burden to pay debts, and we don't expect anything either. Of course this comes back to what our abilities are like, because we also have to consider everything.

cozytrade

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Borrowing and breaking family bonds are both very sensitive things. because the family bond is broken and unfortunately if I die suddenly my family will face many problems and financial crisis. which no one wants. but on the other hand taking a loan means being under a pressure and we have to work hard till the loan is paid and take extra pressure to repay the loan. along with this, the amount borrowed has to be paid with interest which is more troublesome. So all things considered I think giving loans is better than breaking the family bond

Fara Chan

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Quote from: ?? on ??

Ultimately, the decision to lend money to a family member is a personal one that should be based on your own financial situation and your relationship with the borrower. It's important to approach the situation with open communication, honesty, and a willingness to listen and work together to find a solution that is mutually beneficial.

There is nothing wrong with helping your own family members because helping each other with fellow family members is also a very good thing. But when referring to the possibility of a dispute arising because of the loan, it is indeed a good idea not to give a loan even if it is a member of our own family. But basically helping each other as a family is a very good thing and it's not wrong if we want to do it for the welfare of our own family.

uswa56

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Quote from: ilovealtcoins on April 21, 2023, 07:03:48 AM

I can say there is no way to avoid it once they have deliberately borrowed your money. In this case, you can just choose to lend and accept the loss of the money and the relationship, or you'll just give up on the relationship in the first place. For a person who wants to borrow money but has no intention of paying it back, I will not need the relationship, I will not lend it, and would rather lose the relationship than lose both.

everything returns to oneself and we can see the condition of a family to lend money, if the need is very urgent and important I think we have to use our conscience a little to help him even though we know the risks we will face.
but if you just borrow money without knowing the needs I think it's better to avoid and refuse in a way that doesn't offend.
money is not everything, family ties must be maintained as well as possible because basically humans need each other, it's not just about money and family are people who will see us later when we hit a disaster or in old age.

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Quote from: Lorence.xD on April 21, 2023, 06:15:05 AM

Quote from: jeraldskie11 on April 21, 2023, 05:35:35 AM

Quote from: Vishnu.Reang on April 21, 2023, 02:22:17 AM

Quote from: abralzain17 on April 13, 2023, 06:01:05 PM

For me, isn't your tolerating them to have loans or debt and not pay for it because they are part of your family? If that's the case I wouldn't agree in that situation, lending them money especially if they need, it's a good intention of you however you must think of yourself too. Of course you work hard for the money you've earned and you also have plans to your money then imagine they borrow money for you expecting to get paid sooner.

If you know that there's a chance they would not pay the money you'll be needing then much better to guarantee that they'll be paying you like if they have income soon. Still its up to you, we have different situation if you're afford to help them then that's good but tolerating that situation they might adapt it in the future.

I see what you're saying. Helping them is ineffective if it discourages them from trying. If I see that, I will not tolerate them since it demonstrates how much we care for and love them. I just want us to work together as a family, because no one else can help us. So, if he is serious in his need for assistance, why not? It is preferable to give than to receive. And I don't think I'll be repaid if they borrow money from me. But if he keep on doing that, it doesn't appear to be good. I will not lend him money again.

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Quote from: Uruhara on April 21, 2023, 06:39:27 AM

Quote from: Litzki1990 on April 12, 2023, 06:17:36 AM

If the relationship between relatives is ruined because of money, then you will think that he considered money more than your relationship. So there is no problem even if there is no such false relationship.

As he seems cousin to you, you should have helped him. Because if relatives are not available during times of danger, people's trust or faith in relatives is broken. But you have good reason not to help because you said that cousin of yours is not a trustworthy person and the amount of money is too much. So if you help him by giving him that much money in times of danger and later if he refuses to give you the money, maybe you did not give him the money out of such a fear. But your cousin should have understood why you hesitated to pay him.

Hope you don't break the bond of kinship because of money. And because of the attitude that refused to give your cousin a loan, I hope your cousin will change that attitude

Well I totally agree with what you said. because the borrower should be able to understand if the OP cannot provide the loan. because actually OP also has the right to do whatever with the money he has. And if a cousin stays away from us just because we don't lend him the money then there's really nothing to hold on to in that kind of relationship. Maybe if I were in the same position as OP then I would do the same thing with Op.

I agree, we shouldn't keep those relationships because money-based relationships will break down sooner or later, so if it were me, I'd also decide not to lend in the first place. It can be said that losing a relationship with a loved one is a sad thing, but for those who live for money, we should not be too sad.
As for me, I will not discriminate between relatives or friends, I almost do not prioritize in that way, but I will base on each person's lifestyle to evaluate and maintain relationships.

tjtonmoy

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If your gut told you not to lend him money, then you shouldn't do it. And you did a good job not lending him that money. If it was a small amount, it wouldn't matter. But the amount is quite high.

And lending money doesn't ruin a relationship. It happens when you ask them to return the money. If it's a family member, then it is more complicated. You can't ask or force them to return that money. I have faced this a lot, even with some of my friends. They still owe me some money, and I am not the one who will go ask for that every now and then. So it's still stuck there.

After facing some of these incidents, I have stopped lending people money. In emergencies, they will not be the one to help you financially. You have to do it on your own.

ilovealtcoins

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Quote from: Bushdark on April 13, 2023, 07:47:47 PM

Quote from: abralzain17 on April 13, 2023, 06:01:05 PM

Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so

The bond in the family should not be broken because of debt or money. We should always try our best to make sure that we don not allow the influence of money to jeopardize the family bond which is something that can affect us in a long run if we are not that careful. Money is a powerful thing that causes problem in the family if proper attention and care is not taken into consideration. I have seen families that are in enemity with themselves even till today because of money and inability for them to resolve the problems within them.

I can say there is no way to avoid it once they have deliberately borrowed your money. In this case, you can just choose to lend and accept the loss of the money and the relationship, or you'll just give up on the relationship in the first place. For a person who wants to borrow money but has no intention of paying it back, I will not need the relationship, I will not lend it, and would rather lose the relationship than lose both.

Uruhara

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Quote from: Litzki1990 on April 12, 2023, 06:17:36 AM

If the relationship between relatives is ruined because of money, then you will think that he considered money more than your relationship. So there is no problem even if there is no such false relationship.

As he seems cousin to you, you should have helped him. Because if relatives are not available during times of danger, people's trust or faith in relatives is broken. But you have good reason not to help because you said that cousin of yours is not a trustworthy person and the amount of money is too much. So if you help him by giving him that much money in times of danger and later if he refuses to give you the money, maybe you did not give him the money out of such a fear. But your cousin should have understood why you hesitated to pay him.

Hope you don't break the bond of kinship because of money. And because of the attitude that refused to give your cousin a loan, I hope your cousin will change that attitude

Well I totally agree with what you said. because the borrower should be able to understand if the OP cannot provide the loan. because actually OP also has the right to do whatever with the money he has. And if a cousin stays away from us just because we don't lend him the money then there's really nothing to hold on to in that kind of relationship. Maybe if I were in the same position as OP then I would do the same thing with Op.

CageMabok

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Quote from: kapalmabur on April 21, 2023, 06:15:26 AM

We need to get used to things like that and if someone wants to borrow but is not very familiar with it, it is better to refuse in polite language, of course,
it's better to refuse than to make ourselves difficult,
but anyway everyone has their own view on it.

Refusing in a gentle way is also a solution so as not to complicate each other in this matter, because oftentimes hostilities occur as a result of having troubled parties and one of them is due to loans that do not end in repayment in a timely manner. So I also think that refusing to borrow something more subtly is a very good solution for peace between the two parties.

kapalmabur

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Quote from: xSkylarx on April 21, 2023, 05:39:00 AM

Quote from: Vishnu.Reang on April 21, 2023, 02:22:17 AM

Quote from: abralzain17 on April 13, 2023, 06:01:05 PM

Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so

You are right, giving debt or loan within foamily if you can endure the lose which you gave them in loan of debt then you can otherwise if you can't endure then it is better not to keep money relation with family. Most of the time what happen in money relation with family like there in a joke ''give me a loan then leave me alone'' i always keep distance with such lazy people who ask money again again to fulfill their small needs instead of working.

If you relatives is a true family if you decline on what they want they will understand. I do always lend my relatives if they need money but for those relatives that dont know how to pay it is i always decline and saying i dont have money. as long as you can explain to them your situation they will understand but again if you have a lot of extra money and they just need small one it is better to lend it to them but just expect that you just gave it to them

We need to get used to things like that and if someone wants to borrow but is not very familiar with it, it is better to refuse in polite language, of course,
it's better to refuse than to make ourselves difficult,
but anyway everyone has their own view on it.

Lorence.xD

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Quote from: jeraldskie11 on April 21, 2023, 05:35:35 AM

Quote from: Vishnu.Reang on April 21, 2023, 02:22:17 AM

Quote from: abralzain17 on April 13, 2023, 06:01:05 PM

Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so

You are right, giving debt or loan within foamily if you can endure the lose which you gave them in loan of debt then you can otherwise if you can't endure then it is better not to keep money relation with family. Most of the time what happen in money relation with family like there in a joke ''give me a loan then leave me alone'' i always keep distance with such lazy people who ask money again again to fulfill their small needs instead of working.

I think it's normal with family members who beg for loans with no intention of repaying them to be responsible. It's their duty to pay, since they are begging you for it but since they are a member of a family it's understandable.
If you want to lend money to a family member, you must don't have to expect to be paid in time. You have to put in your mind that there's a chance he will not pay, so if he pay it's good and if not, it's okay.

For me, isn't your tolerating them to have loans or debt and not pay for it because they are part of your family? If that's the case I wouldn't agree in that situation, lending them money especially if they need, it's a good intention of you however you must think of yourself too. Of course you work hard for the money you've earned and you also have plans to your money then imagine they borrow money for you expecting to get paid sooner.

If you know that there's a chance they would not pay the money you'll be needing then much better to guarantee that they'll be paying you like if they have income soon. Still its up to you, we have different situation if you're afford to help them then that's good but tolerating that situation they might adapt it in the future.

xSkylarx

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Quote from: Vishnu.Reang on April 21, 2023, 02:22:17 AM

Quote from: abralzain17 on April 13, 2023, 06:01:05 PM

Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so

You are right, giving debt or loan within foamily if you can endure the lose which you gave them in loan of debt then you can otherwise if you can't endure then it is better not to keep money relation with family. Most of the time what happen in money relation with family like there in a joke ''give me a loan then leave me alone'' i always keep distance with such lazy people who ask money again again to fulfill their small needs instead of working.

If you relatives is a true family if you decline on what they want they will understand. I do always lend my relatives if they need money but for those relatives that dont know how to pay it is i always decline and saying i dont have money. as long as you can explain to them your situation they will understand but again if you have a lot of extra money and they just need small one it is better to lend it to them but just expect that you just gave it to them

jeraldskie11

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Quote from: Vishnu.Reang on April 21, 2023, 02:22:17 AM

Quote from: abralzain17 on April 13, 2023, 06:01:05 PM

Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so

You are right, giving debt or loan within foamily if you can endure the lose which you gave them in loan of debt then you can otherwise if you can't endure then it is better not to keep money relation with family. Most of the time what happen in money relation with family like there in a joke ''give me a loan then leave me alone'' i always keep distance with such lazy people who ask money again again to fulfill their small needs instead of working.

I think it's normal with family members who beg for loans with no intention of repaying them to be responsible. It's their duty to pay, since they are begging you for it but since they are a member of a family it's understandable.
If you want to lend money to a family member, you must don't have to expect to be paid in time. You have to put in your mind that there's a chance he will not pay, so if he pay it's good and if not, it's okay.

Asuspawer09

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 13, 2023, 12:05:11 AM

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

When talking about financial it's not always the best thing just to lend or give money to your family or relative, And the fact that he had a grudge only just because you didn't lend him money was already a red flag in my opinion. It's actually great to lend money to your family and relatives but there should always be limitations on it, and you should also assess if that money would actually help him or if you're just spoiling him teaching him to be lazy and not actually standing on his own.

I guess it would be better so that they would not be dependent on you when it comes to money, it might just teach them how to stand on their own, he did make a loan so it's his responsibility to pay for it. Maybe what you can do his hire him to do something with that you are making use of your money and at the same time, you're teaching him that money is not easily earned.

Vishnu.Reang

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Quote from: abralzain17 on April 13, 2023, 06:01:05 PM

Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so

You are right. Giving debt or loan within family only if you can endure the lose which you gave them in loan of debt. Otherwise if you can't endure then it is better not to keep money relation with family. Most of the time what happen in money relation with family like there in a joke ''give me a loan then leave me alone''. I always keep distance with such lazy people who ask money again again to fulfill their small needs instead of working.

Gallar

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 13, 2023, 12:05:11 AM

I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans.

The decision you made was indeed the best decision, even though the decision you made looked like a person who had no feelings. But if you lend your money to your relatives, it is very likely that your money will be difficult to return. Because

Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 13, 2023, 12:05:11 AM

I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy.

If you give your brother the money, you will definitely find it difficult to charge your brother, because there will be shame. But if you are in an urgent situation, you will definitely force yourself to collect the debt to your brother. It's better when you are billed, your brother has money, what if your brother doesn't have money, you must be confused, and the worst thing is, your brother has reached the stage of forgetting the debt, if you are impatient, it will definitely cause a war of words. And in the end you still have a bad bond with your sibling, the money also hasn't been paid, it will definitely be more confusing.

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That's a tough spot I would say. Lending money to family can be uncomfortable and awkward, especially if you don't trust them to pay you back. And also depends on how much "family" they are and how much they mean to you. I mean, yeah, it sucks that your cousin's giving you the "cold shoulder" now, but only because you didn't lend him money? Well, does he think that he deserves money from you? Like its his right?. If you ask me, you probably did the right thing. Like, if you'd lent him the cash and he never paid you back, that might've caused even more drama in the long run. Feelings of resentment is the worst. So, maybe not lending him the money actually saved your relationship in a weird way? Now you don't have that whole "Hey man, when are you gonna pay me back?" conversation hanging over your head every time you see each other.

Topic: Lending money or damaging family bond ? (Read 1425 times)