Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 5.

YUriy1991

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 29, 2023, 03:51:25 AM

Quote from: Supreemo on March 28, 2023, 10:03:07 AM

Quote from: Crypt0Gore on March 28, 2023, 05:19:43 AM

All families are not the same, if your family is built on trust and love there is no reason why you shouldn't help them, all you have to do is watch if they will return the favor someday when you need help, those people that feel hurt and decide to cut off tides because they are denied help are bad people, they are not thinking straight, if someone failed to help it doesn't mean they don't want to, everyone has his or her struggles so they may not be able to provide any help.

When you are blessed with a certain set of people in your life, you will go to any length to help them or get them out of trouble, if I have to say no to anyone it's because I knew they are not worth it, some are so comfortable owing people.

i haven't been m on that kind of situation personally so I couldn't say anything about breaking the bond of some relatives, but my parents were. there was a time they were asked by our distant relative to lend them money I forgot for purpose but I remembered my parents refused to lend them since my sister at that time is sick and needs money for medication and since at that time my younger sister in only 2 years old it sure costs a lot of money. after that event our distant relative spread rumors and badmouthed my father for not lending them money and for preventing my mother not to entertain her relatives again even though that's not the case. my father just ignored those stories since his priority is us and he told us with my mom just let it be coz there are people like that when they don't get what they want they will tarnish your name.

i have learned from my father that there're people who only see you as a goose laying golden eggs, that is why you need to choose carefully who will you let inside your life, and you cannot help everyone even if you wanted to since you cannot fulfill all of their wants even if you sacrifice yourself, so learn to be patient when dealing with this people and not to escalate things.

Thanks for sharing. This kind of story happened to my parents as well. I have seen many untrustworthy extended family members so I know how to tell who are good or not. Things become less complicated for a relationship without any money involvement. I hope my cousin will understand this and wish him all the best.

It's true that life can be complicated, especially when it comes to money and family relationships. However, I believe in maintaining balance and being ready to help anyone, regardless of their relationship to me. It's not just about material possessions, but also about offering encouraging advice and support to help others overcome difficulties. By sharing our resources and kindness with those around us, we can create a more compassionate and connected community.

SyndicateLabs

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Well the OP is probably right in his own case, but I know that nothing makes sense in life. Money and family relationships sometimes become very complicated and vice versa it is also very simple to deal with, my thinking about this is a balance in my ability to help and share with everyone around not only for family members but also for relationships outside the family. Be ready to help anyone with your ability, not necessarily with material possessions, but instead with encouraging advice to share difficulties with everyone to overcome it.

Marcellin9

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Quote from: Supreemo on March 28, 2023, 10:03:07 AM

Quote from: Crypt0Gore on March 28, 2023, 05:19:43 AM

All families are not the same, if your family is built on trust and love there is no reason why you shouldn't help them, all you have to do is watch if they will return the favor someday when you need help, those people that feel hurt and decide to cut off tides because they are denied help are bad people, they are not thinking straight, if someone failed to help it doesn't mean they don't want to, everyone has his or her struggles so they may not be able to provide any help.

When you are blessed with a certain set of people in your life, you will go to any length to help them or get them out of trouble, if I have to say no to anyone it's because I knew they are not worth it, some are so comfortable owing people.

i haven't been m on that kind of situation personally so I couldn't say anything about breaking the bond of some relatives, but my parents were. there was a time they were asked by our distant relative to lend them money I forgot for purpose but I remembered my parents refused to lend them since my sister at that time is sick and needs money for medication and since at that time my younger sister in only 2 years old it sure costs a lot of money. after that event our distant relative spread rumors and badmouthed my father for not lending them money and for preventing my mother not to entertain her relatives again even though that's not the case. my father just ignored those stories since his priority is us and he told us with my mom just let it be coz there are people like that when they don't get what they want they will tarnish your name.

i have learned from my father that there're people who only see you as a goose laying golden eggs, that is why you need to choose carefully who will you let inside your life, and you cannot help everyone even if you wanted to since you cannot fulfill all of their wants even if you sacrifice yourself, so learn to be patient when dealing with this people and not to escalate things.

Thanks for sharing. This kind of story happened to my parents as well. I have seen many untrustworthy extended family members so I know how to tell who are good or not. Things become less complicated for a relationship without any money involvement. I hope my cousin will understand this and wish him all the best.

Supreemo

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Quote from: Crypt0Gore on March 28, 2023, 05:19:43 AM

All families are not the same, if your family is built on trust and love there is no reason why you shouldn't help them, all you have to do is watch if they will return the favor someday when you need help, those people that feel hurt and decide to cut off tides because they are denied help are bad people, they are not thinking straight, if someone failed to help it doesn't mean they don't want to, everyone has his or her struggles so they may not be able to provide any help.

When you are blessed with a certain set of people in your life, you will go to any length to help them or get them out of trouble, if I have to say no to anyone it's because I knew they are not worth it, some are so comfortable owing people.

i haven't been m on that kind of situation personally so I couldn't say anything about breaking the bond of some relatives, but my parents were. there was a time they were asked by our distant relative to lend them money I forgot for purpose but I remembered my parents refused to lend them since my sister at that time is sick and needs money for medication and since at that time my younger sister in only 2 years old it sure costs a lot of money. after that event our distant relative spread rumors and badmouthed my father for not lending them money and for preventing my mother not to entertain her relatives again even though that's not the case. my father just ignored those stories since his priority is us and he told us with my mom just let it be coz there are people like that when they don't get what they want they will tarnish your name.

i have learned from my father that there're people who only see you as a goose laying golden eggs, that is why you need to choose carefully who will you let inside your life, and you cannot help everyone even if you wanted to since you cannot fulfill all of their wants even if you sacrifice yourself, so learn to be patient when dealing with this people and not to escalate things.

Kadal Ijo

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Money is indeed the biggest problem for life, if there is no money in this world it might be more prosperous and humans only rely on transactions by exchanging, money can damage kinship, friendship and so on, especially if someone is in debt, we often hear news of a child having the heart to report his parents , uncle or other family members to the police because of debt problems.

Crypt0Gore

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All families are not the same, if your family is built on trust and love there is no reason why you shouldn't help them, all you have to do is watch if they will return the favor someday when you need help, those people that feel hurt and decide to cut off tides because they are denied help are bad people, they are not thinking straight, if someone failed to help it doesn't mean they don't want to, everyone has his or her struggles so they may not be able to provide any help.

When you are blessed with a certain set of people in your life, you will go to any length to help them or get them out of trouble, if I have to say no to anyone it's because I knew they are not worth it, some are so comfortable owing people.

Marcellin9

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Quote from: Iroh on March 26, 2023, 10:53:56 AM

Quote from: LogitechMouse on March 26, 2023, 08:57:13 AM

Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 12, 2023, 11:05:11 PM

~

You just did a great job not lending your cousin.
If you feel that he/she will not pay you in the future then what's the reason why you lend money to him/her. Trust hasn't been there. It's like those banks where if you have a low credit score, they see you as untrustworthy therefore, they will not let you borrow.

Lucky for me, I didn't encounter that kind of scenario as well. Maybe because I'm good at keeping my assets, and I'm not sharing anything that's related to my money to anybody here (even to my own family Cheesy

). Don't get affected if he doesn't talk to you anymore because after all, you see him as an untrustworthy person. If you are affected that much because of your decision, you can try and approach him and lend him a few dollars to at least build the trust.

Like you said, it’s just like the banks. They would refuse anyone with a low credit score cause the person is not trusted enough to repay such loans.
I think you’re one of the lucky ones cause you haven’t had a relationship ruined cause of repayment of a loan. Money has divided a lot of people. I know.

I also think it’s great that you keep your finances personal and don’t go about sharing how much you’ve got in the bank to family and friends. Your finances are private matters and should be kept private. The only other person who could have access to your finances would be your spouse.
If friends and in some cases family know exactly how buoyant you are, they will come armed with the knowledge and feeling somewhat entitled asking for a loan that would probably be never paid back.

I also think keeping your own assets as a secret is a good thing to everyone. Family relationships are better kept based on trust, love and help without reward. I can give you a very different example other than my cousin's lending. I have mentioned in other thread that my closest friend lost his job a few months ago and I knew that he had been unemployed for over a year , plus his wife was hospitalized for two months. I felt so sorry to hear that and I immediately offered my help to lend him $5,000 without any time limitation to return. Why ? Because we have been best friends for decades and I know he can be fully trusted. You know what, he refused to take my money and said he would be okay. I know even to this day, he is still financially struggling to pay off debt but he never asked me for loan, simply because he cares about our friendship very much. Anyway, my money is always ready for him, whether now or in the future.

Iroh

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Quote from: LogitechMouse on March 26, 2023, 08:57:13 AM

Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 12, 2023, 11:05:11 PM

~

You just did a great job not lending your cousin.
If you feel that he/she will not pay you in the future then what's the reason why you lend money to him/her. Trust hasn't been there. It's like those banks where if you have a low credit score, they see you as untrustworthy therefore, they will not let you borrow.

Lucky for me, I didn't encounter that kind of scenario as well. Maybe because I'm good at keeping my assets, and I'm not sharing anything that's related to my money to anybody here (even to my own family Cheesy

). Don't get affected if he doesn't talk to you anymore because after all, you see him as an untrustworthy person. If you are affected that much because of your decision, you can try and approach him and lend him a few dollars to at least build the trust.

Like you said, it’s just like the banks. They would refuse anyone with a low credit score cause the person is not trusted enough to repay such loans.
I think you’re one of the lucky ones cause you haven’t had a relationship ruined cause of repayment of a loan. Money has divided a lot of people. I know.

I also think it’s great that you keep your finances personal and don’t go about sharing how much you’ve got in the bank to family and friends. Your finances are private matters and should be kept private. The only other person who could have access to your finances would be your spouse.
If friends and in some cases family know exactly how buoyant you are, they will come armed with the knowledge and feeling somewhat entitled asking for a loan that would probably be never paid back.

Maxre

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 12, 2023, 11:05:11 PM

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

You are right in your ways but I will say that people who cannot manage their expenses and also business strategy and also their Saving, they always get ruined. And I want to say that there has been similar occasion with me as my cousin asked to lend me some 50 or 100 dollar as he want to buy a phone as he has also some savings. I asked him to save more money and buy because lend from someone and than buy something is not good. And also I knew him that he was corrupt and do not return money too.

LogitechMouse

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 12, 2023, 11:05:11 PM

~

You just did a great job not lending your cousin.
If you feel that he/she will not pay you in the future then what's the reason why you lend money to him/her. Trust hasn't been there. It's like those banks where if you have a low credit score, they see you as untrustworthy therefore, they will not let you borrow.

Lucky for me, I didn't encounter that kind of scenario as well. Maybe because I'm good at keeping my assets, and I'm not sharing anything that's related to my money to anybody here (even to my own family Cheesy

). Don't get affected if he doesn't talk to you anymore because after all, you see him as an untrustworthy person. If you are affected that much because of your decision, you can try and approach him and lend him a few dollars to at least build the trust.

posi

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Quote from: Fakhrulenclix on March 25, 2023, 04:59:54 AM

Quote from: posi on March 25, 2023, 04:31:44 AM

Quote from: Docnaster on March 24, 2023, 05:46:07 PM

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

The problem is that it is hard to know which is the right step to take in this case, because if you lend or not, you will lose the relationship regardless of what you decide. If you don't give them a loan, they'll definitely ignore you, and if they can't pay you back, they'll find a way to hide from you, too. In either case, you will lose that relationship in the end. If it were me, I would not lend it to them, I would rather lose one of them than lose both.

I wish I could imitate your nature, but it's very difficult for me to apply.
I find it hard to say no, that's what often makes me miserable in the future.
when friends or relatives come to borrow money from me, I can often refuse it which in the end I lose the money because many of them cannot return it even though we have struggled to get our money back.
You are right in that in the end we lost both, first our brothers and of course our money.

I am very decisive and decisive in lending money to my relatives, and all money-related jobs involve my relatives. Because just by making the wrong decision, we will lose them and many other things. But I used to be like you, I lost a few brothers and some friends because it was related to lending money and asking for money. Since then, I have been very frank in everything, I declare that for those who cannot afford to pay, it is best never to ask for a loan from me because doing so is difficult for the borrower and me. Better to lose heart first than lose both by lending them money without knowing if they will return it to you.

DOH!

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When you are a relative, it is easy to know your personality, lifestyle, and level of trust.
For this matter, I think each person will have their own decision. Personally, I would choose the opportunity to help those close to me whom I feel, observe, or hear of who are completely trustworthy and of good character. And back. We should not be too lenient but also should not be too selfish with accounts that lend to our loved ones because helping them is a good thing.

fuer44

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I have a suggestion for those of you who are often visited by your relatives or your best friends to borrow your money. If the first borrow they want to return, I think its okay. But if him don't return it and come a second time, just say "I'd rather give you money than lend you because i don't have much money". In this case for example he wants to borrow $ 100, then just give him $ 10 as a gift, so you and he are not burdened with debt problems.

Because after all, relatives or friends who want to borrow money from you must really need it. On the one hand you don't want to lose a lot of money because in the end he doesn't want to give it back, on the other hand there are people closest to you who must be helped. So just give him 10% of the total money he wants to borrow.

Iroh

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Quote from: Mozzart on March 25, 2023, 03:38:56 PM

I think everyone once faced such requests from relatives.And the decision to lend them money or not depends only on their reputation.I have been in similar situations when I refused,but referring to the fact that I do not have free money.

Yes, a lot of people probably must have gone though such an experience of a family member or a close friend requesting for a loan and in a lot of cases, those requests have been either politely declined due to legitimate fears of not being paid back. Obviously, the decision to part with your money solely depends on the reputation of the person.
Lots of relationships have been lost due to lending of money. I hope people quickly realize the fact that with the worsening economic situation globally, money is getting harder to come by and the amount sitting in the bank is slowly but steadily losing some of its value.

xSkylarx

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Then he is not a true relatives because if he is then he will not take it personally. You did the right move because if ever that you lend him money how would you get it back right ? For sure are having difficulty getting it to him or more worse he will stoll get angry with you as you keep asking the money. Dont worry on him because he ain't the one feeding you if he doesn't want to talk to you then you should do the same on him too

bbigtart

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Quote from: mulia sabee on March 25, 2023, 11:26:10 AM

refusing to give debt to immediate family is the right choice in my opinion, especially if the family asking you to owe you is someone you recognize that is lazy in paying debts. I think by refusing to give debt, a sustainable harmonious relationship will be maintained.

I agree with your opinion that refusing to provide debt to immediate family is the right choice, especially if the family asking for the debt is a person who is lazy in paying debts. This can avoid potential conflicts that can damage family relationships

Quote

but if you are a capable person compared to the person who is in debt then it would be nice for you to give him a little help as much as you can afford. In my opinion, this is an idea to maintain long-lasting relationships among families

However, it is also important to remember that providing assistance to families in the form of debt must be done with care and discretion. It's best to set clear and realistic terms and terms of return so as not to cause anxiety and stress for both parties.

serjent05

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Quote from: Viscore on March 25, 2023, 04:45:10 PM

He could have lend him some money even at a small amount, at least his cousin will not feel bad at all knowing his finances are doing well. And to think that his cousin is jobless that time, so it’s obvious that he’s in trouble with his finances, lending him even with a minimal amount is a lot help already. I just hope that family would be our first priority, than anything else, particularly with money matters.

I agree, lending him a small amount is to make our relative feel that we care. The guy had already humbled down in approaching us to borrow money. Not lending him a single cent simply means we don't care and don't want to throw a cent even though we are doing well in our lives. As I stated, a person in need asking us for help and getting ignored feels abandoned and it adds salt to the injury.

But I think a person has a different view on this as the other prioritized the return of the money while the other sees concerns about the one who is seeking help regardless of past experiences. So I guess whether the action of @OP is right or wrong is subjective.

Mr.right85

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 12, 2023, 11:05:11 PM

Take it or leave it, you did just great in this. Doing it any other way that leads to compromise would be doing it all wrong. Like you've stated, he is already in debt with some corporate organisation and haven't been able to pay that off then, he turns to you... it's just going to be history repeating itself and as family, you won't be able to take actions as you would have liked to. Better to have him have his ideas and perception to what might have been the reason than for you to be in regrets.
Somehow, these guys that arr particulate about taking loans seems to lack the fortitude to understand that, they've been aided and a good turn deserves another.

Other than blaming others for not lending a hand, he should question himself as to why and work in himself to make better of himself. His salvation is within him.

Viscore

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Quote from: serjent05 on March 24, 2023, 06:28:51 PM

Quote from: Docnaster on March 24, 2023, 05:46:07 PM

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

Another lesson is that when you lend money to a relative, never expect that they will pay you back. This often happens within the family and relatives but whatever it takes, I would rather be the one on the giving end than on the receiving end. I will still lend money even if there is no way to get it back. He is my relative after all. We have been generous to our friends, what more to our kin especially when they are in times of trouble.

No matter what @OP situation is I can only conclude that money is more important than his relative because he worries more about the payment than the situation of his cousin. Grin

He could have lend him some money even at a small amount, at least his cousin will not feel bad at all knowing his finances are doing well. And to think that his cousin is jobless that time, so it’s obvious that he’s in trouble with his finances, lending him even with a minimal amount is a lot help already. I just hope that family would be our first priority, than anything else, particularly with money matters.

Mozzart

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I think everyone once faced such requests from relatives.And the decision to lend them money or not depends only on their reputation.I have been in similar situations when I refused,but referring to the fact that I do not have free money.

Topic: Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 5. (Read 1557 times)