Topic: Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 6. (Read 1580 times)
For me the money I can't give you to take for free I won't loan you because I am playing safe in order to avoid story that touch afterwards, you could have offered him what you have as an assistance within the period and if he oppose, you keep your money and be happy because you did your part.
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
when our family or those closest to us borrow money from us, it will actually be very awkward in the end because if we don't help them, we feel bad for them, but if we have helped them and than they don't keep their promise to pay off their debt or just pay off their debt to us. will also feel bad from putting too much pressure on it.
but I think if you think your cousin is someone who can't be trusted then it's only natural if you don't lend him, that's why we have to have good habits towards everyone so that when needed people are willing to help us.
if we lend money to people who cannot be trusted, then that is the same as letting go of our money in my opinion, because one day we too will need the money we loaned.
but that once again depends on each individual person, sometimes there are also people who are okay if they give up their money so they can help their family or those closest to them.
If a debtor breaks his promise and does not pay according to the time specified, it is possible that good family relations will crack, but if payment is made on time, then the relationship may be fine.
but mostly if the debt is given to fellow family members themselves, the payment is also often delayed. it's better to avoid giving debt to your own family and replace it by giving as much help as you can
but mostly if the debt is given to fellow family members themselves, the payment is also often delayed. it's better to avoid giving debt to your own family and replace it by giving as much help as you can
You didn't do any wrong.
People actually get what they deserve especially when their character is weak. You didn't damage any family relationship, you stood your ground and he has no other option than to respect it. Besides, I do not think that you were his last life line. Personally, I believe that if I am to give you something, you must have earned it. The best way to have even help is to recommend him for employment opportunities since he lost his job. It is a better option than giving out money you worked hard for.
People actually get what they deserve especially when their character is weak. You didn't damage any family relationship, you stood your ground and he has no other option than to respect it. Besides, I do not think that you were his last life line. Personally, I believe that if I am to give you something, you must have earned it. The best way to have even help is to recommend him for employment opportunities since he lost his job. It is a better option than giving out money you worked hard for.
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
the decision you took was absolutely right (by not giving your cousin a loan) however you have to get rid of your discomfort because you haven't done anything wrong, there are still many things thing you should think about so don't ever overthink things that don't deserve to burden your mind.
I once had the same case, I was so kind to my cousin, I lent her a little money but when I asked for that money she always said that it was only small money and why should it be returned, since then I realized that she is a person who does not appreciate my good deeds then if it is related to the money I will no longer help her even though I still maintain a good relationship with her.
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
refusing to give debt to immediate family is the right choice in my opinion, especially if the family asking you to owe you is someone you recognize that is lazy in paying debts. I think by refusing to give debt, a sustainable harmonious relationship will be maintained. but if you are a capable person compared to the person who is in debt then it would be nice for you to give him a little help as much as you can afford. In my opinion, this is an idea to maintain long-lasting relationships among families
While it's unfortunate that your cousin may be upset with you, it's important to prioritize your own financial stability and not feel obligated to lend money to someone who may not be reliable or trustworthy with repayment. It's also important to communicate clearly with your cousin about your decision and reasons for it, as misunderstandings can arise and worsen the situation.
Anything related to money - borrow/borrow/give will be closely related to the risk of conflict, affection in the family. Everything has two sides and lending money to related family members can be frustrating. It's not something we can condemn or accuse, but it's a sensitive decision. If you help them (family members or loved ones), do you think it can create a sense of dependence? I will not go into the issue of whether they refund or refuse / refuse or delay, but it is clear that everything has a huge impact on family feelings when it comes to money.
One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place
Lending money to a family member is same as doing giveaway, if you have the money to help and deep inside you, he or she need it, why not help him or she, you can tell him you are lending him the money to see if he or she will return it later, but to me with my experience so far, lending money to your family member is better of knowing that you will never get that money back. So I can't because I borrowed my family member money and he refused to pay decide not to help him again. If I have and he or she comes back to me later and ask for help I will still give but I will remind him or she that the last one I gave you, I didn't get it back so is now left for his or her mind to judge. 
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
It's important to trust your instincts when it comes to lending money, especially to family members. You made the right decision based on your knowledge of your cousin's character. It's unfortunate that it may have affected your relationship, but ultimately your financial well-being is important too.
It seems less pleasant if lending money must rely on our own instincts for this. Even though everyone who wants to give loans to other people, of course we have to see how he works in making money so we can believe that he is able to pay his debts on time. But if he is an unemployed person with no income, trusting him in terms of lending him money is a mistake because he definitely won't be able to pay it on time even if he is a person of your lineage. 
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
To me, lending money or not to someone doesn't depend on whether he/she is "trustworthy". Rather, it depends on what amount of money we are talking about. Because if I lent my money to someone I already consider it lost. I don't think three thousand dollars was an insignificant amount for you(for me it definitely isn't), so you did the right thing in my opinion.
Regarding "damaging family bond", imagine how damaged it would be if you lent him the money, and then every time you see him he would be telling you that he can't pay you back.
It's important to trust your instuctor when it comes to lending money, especially to family members. You made the right decision based on your knowledge of your cousin's character.
Imagine losing money because your family lends from you, I don't know why some people are so wicked that they only care about themselves, if you give up the little you have on you and try to explain why you couldn't help them they will still feel somehow against you, thinking you intentionally don't want to help.
I want to use my family to make an example, it got to a point where I don't ask for favors from my family because they always take favor as debt, one favor will be paid in numbers, rounds, and rounds.
I stopped asking for help from any but still, it doesn't stop me from helping them, I did this because whenever I could not help I can be bold enough to say that I don't have since I still help last month or past weeks.
If they keep coming back, it means they are just using you, and that's when I will start avoiding them for good,
we all have this kind of experience in which we became obligated to explain why we cannot lend money and even with that they will still hate you even after so much explaination, but what can we do? it's their own thought process.I want to use my family to make an example, it got to a point where I don't ask for favors from my family because they always take favor as debt, one favor will be paid in numbers, rounds, and rounds.
I stopped asking for help from any but still, it doesn't stop me from helping them, I did this because whenever I could not help I can be bold enough to say that I don't have since I still help last month or past weeks.
If they keep coming back, it means they are just using you, and that's when I will start avoiding them for good,
there was even once I was told that I am lucky enough to have money and become what I am today, like how dare you? but I chose to ignore them since I'll be the one looking like an ignorant if I fought back, besides I also thought that humans don't really care about the process or struggles you encounter to be where you are right now, all they care is the end results. it's a bit insulting since they ignored your efforts but that's how it is.
Imagine losing money because your family lends from you, I don't know why some people are so wicked that they only care about themselves, if you give up the little you have on you and try to explain why you couldn't help them they will still feel somehow against you, thinking you intentionally don't want to help.
I want to use my family to make an example, it got to a point where I don't ask for favors from my family because they always take favor as debt, one favor will be paid in numbers, rounds, and rounds.
I stopped asking for help from any but still, it doesn't stop me from helping them, I did this because whenever I could not help I can be bold enough to say that I don't have since I still help last month or past weeks.
If they keep coming back, it means they are just using you, and that's when I will start avoiding them for good,
I want to use my family to make an example, it got to a point where I don't ask for favors from my family because they always take favor as debt, one favor will be paid in numbers, rounds, and rounds.
I stopped asking for help from any but still, it doesn't stop me from helping them, I did this because whenever I could not help I can be bold enough to say that I don't have since I still help last month or past weeks.
If they keep coming back, it means they are just using you, and that's when I will start avoiding them for good,
It is always obvious that I will never lend my money to a person I don't trust, regardless of how condition they may be. Op I won't hold it against you for not lending that your relative money because it might not think of paying it back. In fact, I'm curious how those individuals feel when they borrow money from someone and then refuse to pay it back because I will always worry that if I did that, I might lose access to them in the future if I need their assistance again.
but as for me i hardly lend people money that I can't dash them, because people have teach me a lot of lessons after they refused to pay me back my money that lend them, especially some relatives members. Infact don't allow money issue join you with some family members , if not you will hardly found peace with them.
but as for me i hardly lend people money that I can't dash them, because people have teach me a lot of lessons after they refused to pay me back my money that lend them, especially some relatives members. Infact don't allow money issue join you with some family members , if not you will hardly found peace with them.
There was a saying that, earlier anger is better than later anger. It is better not to lend to someone who is untrustworthy and has no ability to repay the loan, no matter how close he is. I think the op made the right decision and there's no need to be upset about it. He is right from his place, where the other person has severed the family bond by not getting the lend.
so true. because based on the story told by OP we can see that the family members referred to by OP are really people who cannot be trusted. so not giving loans to people like that is the right move. but maybe the OP would feel bad at this point. but that's better than the OP having to endure being upset someday when the person who was given the loan is completely unable to repay the loan.and the lesson I've seen is that usually if the closest people with bad character and can't be trusted ask us to loan money and we lend to them. then it could be that he will come back not to pay but instead he comes to borrow again.
You made the right decision.
Never ever lend them money especially if you know they are irresponsible people. If he didn't talk to you just because you never lend him money, means he is toxic enough to not have a very much of understanding. That's the toxic trait of most people I guess, they think your money is only for their wants and needs, they never think of like you're saving it for your own good, or your money is already been decided where to spend on to.
I do have a lot of relatives like that, and I don't even care if they hate me or whatever. My life is completely happy even with a lot of haters. Don't let them affect your life, be happy.
Never ever lend them money especially if you know they are irresponsible people. If he didn't talk to you just because you never lend him money, means he is toxic enough to not have a very much of understanding. That's the toxic trait of most people I guess, they think your money is only for their wants and needs, they never think of like you're saving it for your own good, or your money is already been decided where to spend on to.
I do have a lot of relatives like that, and I don't even care if they hate me or whatever. My life is completely happy even with a lot of haters. Don't let them affect your life, be happy.
One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place
The problem is that it is hard to know which is the right step to take in this case, because if you lend or not, you will lose the relationship regardless of what you decide. If you don't give them a loan, they'll definitely ignore you, and if they can't pay you back, they'll find a way to hide from you, too. In either case, you will lose that relationship in the end. If it were me, I would not lend it to them, I would rather lose one of them than lose both.
I wish I could imitate your nature, but it's very difficult for me to apply.
I find it hard to say no, that's what often makes me miserable in the future.
when friends or relatives come to borrow money from me, I can often refuse it which in the end I lose the money because many of them cannot return it even though we have struggled to get our money back.
You are right in that in the end we lost both, first our brothers and of course our money.
One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place
The problem is that it is hard to know which is the right step to take in this case, because if you lend or not, you will lose the relationship regardless of what you decide. If you don't give them a loan, they'll definitely ignore you, and if they can't pay you back, they'll find a way to hide from you, too. In either case, you will lose that relationship in the end. If it were me, I would not lend it to them, I would rather lose one of them than lose both.
Jump to: