Topic: Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 2. (Read 1580 times)
If you lend money from any source and it becomes a fish bone on your neck then the repercussion is that you will experience difficult situation with the people around, same also is that people will come after you looking after for your family or any other relatives closer to you, they can also cease any of your own asset from you, many finds it easy to borrow something but repayment seems to be more difficult because things were easier said than done.
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
When you do lend out someone inside your family or relatives then you should expect that you wont really be repaid on the right time or simply you should be treating that those money is already been that given or not really that giving as a loan. If you are having that finances then its better to have that way on which you would really be able to avoid some argumentations or gaps but this is only good for 1x or 2xAnother solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
but if the time comes that they would really be that abusive then it would be an another story. We are just humans where patience and temper is something that
have a border line.They shouldnt wait until things becomes too hot and something that could be arranged up or amicable.
If I had a lot of money, I wouldn't do it either because that's the money I worked hard to earn. There is no free money in this world. I won't give it to anyone easily, especially lazy people who just raise their hands and ask for money. Instead, find them a decent job, and if they will work, give him a loan. Otherwise, even if it's a brother, I wouldn't care.
Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
You know, giving out money to a spouse, girlfriend or family member us more like a gamble. Especially when it isn't of your free will and you've got any hopes of getting it back. You shouldn't even conceive that idea because, it's often gone most times. You treat it like some bitcoin investment or betting funds, money your ready to pathway with as the most likely case is, "your not getting it back".In order not to be the one being hurt at the end of the day by giving that which your not willing to path away with, just avoid giving loans to your spouse, girlfriend or family. Even friends too. Its better you give them some grants and be good. It would serve you both better and save you the stress of seeking it out.
Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
That's one of the best approach.Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
Giving them the money that you afford to lose but it's not the entire amount that they're asking. So, it's like that if they're asking for a $100 then you can give them freely $10-$20 and you're good not expecting any amount in return.
That's how you can't disappointment them but at the same time, you're still a giver but you don't tolerate them because you know that they can't pay in full.
Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
The bond in the family should not be broken because of debt or money. We should always try our best to make sure that we don not allow the influence of money to jeopardize the family bond which is something that can affect us in a long run if we are not that careful. Money is a powerful thing that causes problem in the family if proper attention and care is not taken into consideration. I have seen families that are in enemity with themselves even till today because of money and inability for them to resolve the problems within them. Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
When you do lend out someone inside your family or relatives then you should expect that you wont really be repaid on the right time or simply you should be treating that those money is already been that given or not really that giving as a loan. If you are having that finances then its better to have that way on which you would really be able to avoid some argumentations or gaps but this is only good for 1x or 2xAnother solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
but if the time comes that they would really be that abusive then it would be an another story. We are just humans where patience and temper is something that
have a border line.They shouldnt wait until things becomes too hot and something that could be arranged up or amicable.
Instead of hostility between families, it is better to avoid giving debt or loans to anyone in your family if they are not the ones who want to pay for it.
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
Another solution that can avoid this is by giving rewards to families in need by not expecting payment from them if you are a better person financially.
in this way, in my opinion, you will look like a person who contributes to your family. i think so
If you really want to keep the bond between you and a member of your family, money should not come into the picture. Even though money is only a piece of paper, it has a lot of influence and when you talk about trust, it is earned. Aside from family, in the crypto world, trust is the cornerstone of everything. If you notice a red flag in a member of your family, I believe you can keep the relationship intact. I have issue trusting people as for me it must be earned.
That's the point money shouldn't be involved in any sort of relationships either its family bonds or friends. Money can cause great difficulty in long run , as everyone is under some financial burden and sometimes helping someone doesn't help you ans you end up in great pain. Secondly jn transactions you have to be strict and tough sometimes and in personal relationships you cannot behave that way.
If having lent my family cash and they refused to payback and they come to ask again and I refuse, it wouldn't be bad if I say no, neither will it be bad if after learning the reason to request such cash, it sounds worthless and unprofitable.
Saying no isn't bad, it just depends on how it is said. I have the understanding to acknowledge that most request I make is simply inconsiderate or just being extravagant and as such I wouldn't expect the family member I intend to borrow from to just say ok and grant my request, for the umpteenth time. It's just common sense.
Trust is very important firstly. After all there are great families who own and manage family businesses and lend each other money without even asking for refunds most times.
If you really want to keep the bond between you and a member of your family, money should not come into the picture. Even though money is only a piece of paper, it has a lot of influence and when you talk about trust, it is earned. Aside from family, in the crypto world, trust is the cornerstone of everything. If you notice a red flag in a member of your family, I believe you can keep the relationship intact. I have issue trusting people as for me it must be earned.
That's the point money shouldn't be involved in any sort of relationships either its family bonds or friends. Money can cause great difficulty in long run , as everyone is under some financial burden and sometimes helping someone doesn't help you ans you end up in great pain. Secondly jn transactions you have to be strict and tough sometimes and in personal relationships you cannot behave that way.
I think I've come to a point in my life where when it comes to managing my finances, I don't care who gets hurt, one thing in life is that, how you sell yourself out to people is how they will take you, personally, If I was the op, I would have done exactly the same thing he did, three thousand dollars is no small amount of money, and I never would lend such amount to someone i don't trust would pay back the money..
It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.
It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.
besides, if we earn that money by sacrificing a lot from our end, it is hard to just let someone used it to their own desires. sometimes money is the reason of broken relationships as what the OP experienced from his cousin.
but i can agree what he did, as he knew the attitude of his cousin. it was not a small amount in the first place, and for sure, the OP also earned it the hard way.
if his cousin is mature enough, he will soon understand why his cousin didn't let him borrow the money. genuine relationships should not be ruined by money alone.
Yes, I hope one day my cousin could understand why I did not lend him the money. He is not mature yet and lacks responsibilities as a father(he is a father of two kids) and I sincerely hope he can find a stable job that always makes their ends meet. I have not seen him after that family uninion but I heard that he is doing okay now, at least he can bring food on the table. Next time I see him, I will try to talk to him and hope he understands.
I think I've come to a point in my life where when it comes to managing my finances, I don't care who gets hurt, one thing in life is that, how you sell yourself out to people is how they will take you, personally, If I was the op, I would have done exactly the same thing he did, three thousand dollars is no small amount of money, and I never would lend such amount to someone i don't trust would pay back the money..
It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.
It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.
besides, if we earn that money by sacrificing a lot from our end, it is hard to just let someone used it to their own desires. sometimes money is the reason of broken relationships as what the OP experienced from his cousin.
but i can agree what he did, as he knew the attitude of his cousin. it was not a small amount in the first place, and for sure, the OP also earned it the hard way.
if his cousin is mature enough, he will soon understand why his cousin didn't let him borrow the money. genuine relationships should not be ruined by money alone.
If you really want to keep the bond between you and a member of your family, money should not come into the picture. Even though money is only a piece of paper, it has a lot of influence and when you talk about trust, it is earned. Aside from family, in the crypto world, trust is the cornerstone of everything. If you notice a red flag in a member of your family, I believe you can keep the relationship intact. I have issue trusting people as for me it must be earned.
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
It's a really terrible idea to lend money to friends or family and it often ends up in a bad way. Most people have to learn and experience this the hard way, because they need to go through this process of seeing the negative outcomes before it cements in their mind. If you can afford to donate the amount you're being asked to borrow, then that is the way that you should be looking at it - don't expect it back, but if it comes back it is simply a bonus. Anyone who falls out with you because you won't lend them money will have a very bad time going through life and will probably fall out with a lot of people as they try similar tactics with everyone they meet eventually.
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I think I've come to a point in my life where when it comes to managing my finances, I don't care who gets hurt, one thing in life is that, how you sell yourself out to people is how they will take you, personally, If I was the op, I would have done exactly the same thing he did, three thousand dollars is no small amount of money, and I never would lend such amount to someone i don't trust would pay back the money..
It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.
It is better to dash out the money, and tell the borrower not to pay back, than lend the money out, expecting a payback that never comes, it's always a heart breaking experience as most times, we already had plans of what the money would be used for, only to discover it's pay is not forthcoming.
in managing finances, lending money to someone is one of the things that must be thought about in detail, because it is not included in our financial plans, even our family cannot lend them money at will, let alone lending to people we don't trust. 3000 thousand dollars is not a small amount of money, the feeling guilt is also a risk not lending money to people and even family. but after all our own survival is the top priority in life
If the relationship between relatives is ruined because of money, then you will think that he considered money more than your relationship. So there is no problem even if there is no such false relationship.
As he seems cousin to you, you should have helped him. Because if relatives are not available during times of danger, people's trust or faith in relatives is broken. But you have good reason not to help because you said that cousin of yours is not a trustworthy person and the amount of money is too much. So if you help him by giving him that much money in times of danger and later if he refuses to give you the money, maybe you did not give him the money out of such a fear. But your cousin should have understood why you hesitated to pay him.
Hope you don't break the bond of kinship because of money. And because of the attitude that refused to give your cousin a loan, I hope your cousin will change that attitude
As he seems cousin to you, you should have helped him. Because if relatives are not available during times of danger, people's trust or faith in relatives is broken. But you have good reason not to help because you said that cousin of yours is not a trustworthy person and the amount of money is too much. So if you help him by giving him that much money in times of danger and later if he refuses to give you the money, maybe you did not give him the money out of such a fear. But your cousin should have understood why you hesitated to pay him.
Hope you don't break the bond of kinship because of money. And because of the attitude that refused to give your cousin a loan, I hope your cousin will change that attitude
I agree that as a relative you should have the heart to help them but it varies in different scenarios that happens since everyone has their own story to tell based on their actions and decisions. I personally would do the same of not helping him since I know he had history with me regarding financial issues. As soon as you make me feel that your are not trustworthy on the money that I lend you, It would be very hard for me to help you the next time. I tend to just make excuses so that I don't end up lending that someone with money. I agree and I must add that the cousin truly knows why you don't lend him the money but he is not that matured enough to admit it. Well, what ever happened I think you have done the right thing.
~ The dilemma you are facing is not an easy one, and almost every person on the planet faces it. Almost all of us have relatives of some sort. There are few solutions here: either lend money to your unreliable cousin, forever forgetting about this money (because he will never give it back) and then you will maintain your family ties (but is this so, because you will no longer treat your cousin as before); or - don't give him anything, as you did and ruin your relationship with him. As you can see, in both cases, there will always be someone dissatisfied with this state of affairs.
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Exactly. If you think of it, your family bond will, very likely, be damaged anyway, whether you lend the money or not. But that's when the amount is significant for you. If it's not, you can forget about it and treat your relative the same as before. It's all about the amount actually.
If the relationship between relatives is ruined because of money, then you will think that he considered money more than your relationship. So there is no problem even if there is no such false relationship.
As he seems cousin to you, you should have helped him. Because if relatives are not available during times of danger, people's trust or faith in relatives is broken. But you have good reason not to help because you said that cousin of yours is not a trustworthy person and the amount of money is too much. So if you help him by giving him that much money in times of danger and later if he refuses to give you the money, maybe you did not give him the money out of such a fear. But your cousin should have understood why you hesitated to pay him.
Hope you don't break the bond of kinship because of money. And because of the attitude that refused to give your cousin a loan, I hope your cousin will change that attitude
As he seems cousin to you, you should have helped him. Because if relatives are not available during times of danger, people's trust or faith in relatives is broken. But you have good reason not to help because you said that cousin of yours is not a trustworthy person and the amount of money is too much. So if you help him by giving him that much money in times of danger and later if he refuses to give you the money, maybe you did not give him the money out of such a fear. But your cousin should have understood why you hesitated to pay him.
Hope you don't break the bond of kinship because of money. And because of the attitude that refused to give your cousin a loan, I hope your cousin will change that attitude
~ The dilemma you are facing is not an easy one, and almost every person on the planet faces it. Almost all of us have relatives of some sort. There are few solutions here: either lend money to your unreliable cousin, forever forgetting about this money (because he will never give it back) and then you will maintain your family ties (but is this so, because you will no longer treat your cousin as before); or - don't give him anything, as you did and ruin your relationship with him. As you can see, in both cases, there will always be someone dissatisfied with this state of affairs.
~
~
Exactly. If you think of it, your family bond will, very likely, be damaged anyway, whether you lend the money or not. But that's when the amount is significant for you. If it's not, you can forget about it and treat your relative the same as before. It's all about the amount actually.
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