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Topic: Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 9. (Read 1557 times)

hero member
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Jack of all trades 💯
March 16, 2023, 05:48:16 AM
#87
This happened to me a lot of times. Relatives used to borrow money from me and out of mercy I lend them my hard-earned money but they didn't pay me and they are even ignoring my texts and chats. From my experiences, I learned to say no and cut ties with abusive relatives. You did the right thing because that's a huge amount of money especially if that relative of yours isn't trustworthy. When it comes to money, we can see the true colors of the people around us. You shouldn't be the one to feel awkward because you just saved yourself from stress.
That happens with almost everyone since all of us have that kind of relatives who borrow money by becoming innocent at first and then don't even answer your calls and messages. The only way to avoid such people is to simply say no at first by making some excuse because if you don't make an excuse, they can become very toxic later on.

Never lend money to people who you know would never return your money, at no cost you should compromise your own life and self-esteem for someone else no matter how hard they try and how many times they ask you innocently.

Best to say no always especially if they borrow just for the sake of unimportant matters since its really hard to have bad blood to your relatives if they refuse to pay on agreed date.

Its really good for us not to lend to anyone even if this is our close relative so that they can establish the thoughts that we are not into that and we will never lend money to anyone. But also we also need to take some consideration like important matters for example immediate medication and that maybe we can consider and think only that we give it to them so that there's no hard feelings for us if they will not pay the money we sent to them.
member
Activity: 138
Merit: 11
March 16, 2023, 05:47:43 AM
#86
This happened to me a lot of times. Relatives used to borrow money from me and out of mercy I lend them my hard-earned money but they didn't pay me and they are even ignoring my texts and chats. From my experiences, I learned to say no and cut ties with abusive relatives. You did the right thing because that's a huge amount of money especially if that relative of yours isn't trustworthy. When it comes to money, we can see the true colors of the people around us. You shouldn't be the one to feel awkward because you just saved yourself from stress.
That happens with almost everyone since all of us have that kind of relatives who borrow money by becoming innocent at first and then don't even answer your calls and messages. The only way to avoid such people is to simply say no at first by making some excuse because if you don't make an excuse, they can become very toxic later on.

Never lend money to people who you know would never return your money, at no cost you should compromise your own life and self-esteem for someone else no matter how hard they try and how many times they ask you innocently.

I always lend money to my relatives the first time. I also always give the benefit of the doubt to the person who borrows money from me, especially if it is someone that I am close to. But when the time comes that I ask for the money to be paid back or when the time is due and that person did not pay me, I acknowledge the fact that that person will never pay me ever. And I will never lend that person money again, ever. At least then, I have the reason not to lend that person money. It is not always about the amount, regardless how much is borrowed from me, I consider the trust that I give to that person and how the broke it.
full member
Activity: 1134
Merit: 140
March 16, 2023, 05:35:00 AM
#85
This happened to me a lot of times. Relatives used to borrow money from me and out of mercy I lend them my hard-earned money but they didn't pay me and they are even ignoring my texts and chats. From my experiences, I learned to say no and cut ties with abusive relatives. You did the right thing because that's a huge amount of money especially if that relative of yours isn't trustworthy. When it comes to money, we can see the true colors of the people around us. You shouldn't be the one to feel awkward because you just saved yourself from stress.
That happens with almost everyone since all of us have that kind of relatives who borrow money by becoming innocent at first and then don't even answer your calls and messages. The only way to avoid such people is to simply say no at first by making some excuse because if you don't make an excuse, they can become very toxic later on.

Never lend money to people who you know would never return your money, at no cost you should compromise your own life and self-esteem for someone else no matter how hard they try and how many times they ask you innocently.
sr. member
Activity: 1190
Merit: 250
March 16, 2023, 04:25:29 AM
#84
When we find it very difficult, of course it is feasible to lend, the presence of many platforms or online loan applications makes it easy for those of us who really need money, some time ago I really needed money to pay off a mortgage, then I applied for a loan online and within 2 days it was approved and I I got the loan amount, and now I have paid it all off.
hero member
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Merit: 537
Leading Crypto Sports Betting & Casino Platform
March 16, 2023, 04:21:13 AM
#83
If you have the capacity to lend someone in your family that will not gonna give huge impact to your finances then why not help them? Unless this guy has multiple unpaid loans to you then you should not lend him anymore. Human is not a natural untrustworthy, there situation just push them to become that kind of person. I have this kind of cousin too that continuously badgering me about borrowing money. I can’t give him the amount that he want but I still lend him money that I can afford.

Sometimes family is worthy than money especially if you will see this person most of the time because they knew you are financial stable which is painful for them to be turn down.
Same with my point too. It’s not hard to lend a money especially if you see that person is really in a bad financial situation. As long as you are lending your extra money, I think that will not make you financially broke. Even if that person keeps asking you for assistance, you can always give as long as you do it willingly. However, if you discover that he is just spending your money for his vices, well helping him is not worth it. By that time, you can give him some advice, but never lend him money anymore as you are only used to provide him for his vices.

Agree, lending someone money is not a big deal if we have some spare money to lend them. But the important thing is that not everyone can lend, we need to determine that person is good or bad. If they are people who don't keep their promises, don't work hard, but just play around, I will refuse without hesitation, if lending them a loan will only cause trouble. And good people who are really in trouble have no reason to refuse them.
hero member
Activity: 2856
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March 16, 2023, 03:28:04 AM
#82
If you have the capacity to lend someone in your family that will not gonna give huge impact to your finances then why not help them? Unless this guy has multiple unpaid loans to you then you should not lend him anymore. Human is not a natural untrustworthy, there situation just push them to become that kind of person. I have this kind of cousin too that continuously badgering me about borrowing money. I can’t give him the amount that he want but I still lend him money that I can afford.

Sometimes family is worthy than money especially if you will see this person most of the time because they knew you are financial stable which is painful for them to be turn down.
Same with my point too. It’s not hard to lend a money especially if you see that person is really in a bad financial situation. As long as you are lending your extra money, I think that will not make you financially broke. Even if that person keeps asking you for assistance, you can always give as long as you do it willingly. However, if you discover that he is just spending your money for his vices, well helping him is not worth it. By that time, you can give him some advice, but never lend him money anymore as you are only used to provide him for his vices.
hero member
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March 16, 2023, 02:20:06 AM
#81
~Snip~ I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
It's too complicated to trust people and lend the money we have to them, even though it's our family who are still quite close. There are several experiences that I experienced exactly as you describe, I mean there is a pattern that you can apply and this has also been practiced by me in my life, this will only apply to those who like to owe but find it difficult to pay anda not in general to the whole family.

In the past several families came to the house asking for loans because they thought they were part of the family so I tried to help, but in the end they made no repayment and they always ended up silent without speaking again. For now, if one of the families asks for a loan I never give again but if they ask under the pretext of really needing it, then I will give half of the loan request It is more in the form of assistance not as debt.
hero member
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Vave.com - Crypto Casino
March 16, 2023, 01:45:46 AM
#80

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
Money is the thing that keeps people's relationships together and also destroys them.  You didn't loan him money so he was reluctant to talk to you but if you loaned him money and couldn't pay you back on time in this case he wouldn't have participated in your family program. So definitely one should not lend money to any untrustworthy person.  Especially not to a relative. Because you can pressure someone outside of the relative to return the money he/she lend from you , but you can never pressure the relative to protect his honor. So you did a good job by not giving money to your cousin as loan
I think people have love relationships through money and many bad relationships through money.  I have seen several relationships that are relationships through money, as long as you have money, the relationship will be good. When you don't have money, the relationship will be very bad. I think a relationship based on money will never last forever.  So it would be very foolish to think that money can ever be a relationship. So I think money can never be a relationship.
Yes if op's relative was really a good relative he wouldn't have stopped talking to op. Such a relative only comes to us when they are in Danger and keeps his head up in good times. So I think refusing to pay the op to his cousin as loan was a good move. $3k is not a less money this is a huge amount for a common man and a middle class family can run their household well for about 1-1.5 years with this money.
sr. member
Activity: 1554
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Vave.com - Crypto Casino
March 16, 2023, 01:16:19 AM
#79

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
Money is the thing that keeps people's relationships together and also destroys them.  You didn't loan him money so he was reluctant to talk to you but if you loaned him money and couldn't pay you back on time in this case he wouldn't have participated in your family program. So definitely one should not lend money to any untrustworthy person.  Especially not to a relative. Because you can pressure someone outside of the relative to return the money he/she lend from you , but you can never pressure the relative to protect his honor. So you did a good job by not giving money to your cousin as loan
I think people have love relationships through money and many bad relationships through money.  I have seen several relationships that are relationships through money, as long as you have money, the relationship will be good. When you don't have money, the relationship will be very bad. I think a relationship based on money will never last forever.  So it would be very foolish to think that money can ever be a relationship. So I think money can never be a relationship.
hero member
Activity: 1862
Merit: 601
The Martian Child
March 16, 2023, 01:15:50 AM
#78
It happened to me too. Not just once but a lot of times. Some of them borrowed money but never paid me back even a little portion of it. It's disappointing, the amount could be small or not but I felt like I am losing trust every time someone did it to me. It is not that I am rich because I am just living a simple life but I felt like I want to live far away from relatives and if possible without contacts, especially on social media. I understand that as relatives, we got to help each other but for me borrowing money is borrowing and it needs to be paid otherwise they should've just asked for some assistance and not borrowed money because if unpaid, it's already lying or a scam.
hero member
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Vave.com - Crypto Casino
March 16, 2023, 01:10:08 AM
#77

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
Money is the thing that keeps people's relationships together and also destroys them.  You didn't loan him money so he was reluctant to talk to you but if you loaned him money and couldn't pay you back on time in this case he wouldn't have participated in your family program. So definitely one should not lend money to any untrustworthy person.  Especially not to a relative. Because you can pressure someone outside of the relative to return the money he/she lend from you , but you can never pressure the relative to protect his honor. So you did a good job by not giving money to your cousin as loan
sr. member
Activity: 1680
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Top Crypto Casino
March 16, 2023, 12:52:11 AM
#76
Unfortunately, it is often that your own family will look to take advantage of you. Three thousand dollars is a very large amount to loan somebody even if they are a very trustworthy person. You had every right to deny their request if you had doubts about getting repaid. Whenever I've struggled financially I would rather make sacrifices to make ends meet on my own than to become indebted to a family member and have them resent me if I wasn't able to repay them in a timely manner.
legendary
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March 15, 2023, 11:26:23 PM
#75
In comes to lending money, specifically, to family members, I always have that hesitation at first but end up lending them anyways. But in terms of payment, if they do pay on time and wont give me hard time getting the money back, I would never hesitate to lend them again. If they do not have that initiative to pay it, I will never let them be able to lend from me again. So, in your case, since he was untrustworthy, I would have done the same thing. And, you did the right thing. I think the best way to handle the situation of letting down the person's request to lend money is trying to explain and help them in other ways, since they are still a family. But, I must admit that your cousin is kind of toxic in a way that he let money issues affects the relationship you had as a family.

I do the same as you, not only with my family members but also with my close friends. If they pay on time, I am willing to lend them back, but if they break their promise, there will never be a second time.
I have the same situation as OP, it's my cousin. I have also loaned him many times in the past, but the last 2 times, I was very tired of asking for money when needed, and then I found out that he borrowed money to play games, not work. I haven't loaned him any more money since then, and he ignored me for a long time. I'm almost not too upset and have no regrets about such relationships.
sr. member
Activity: 1022
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March 15, 2023, 10:20:36 PM
#74
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously.
I concur with this first statement. Managing finances may include proper budgeting, staying out of debts, and cultivating a healthy financial lifestyle.

Quote
I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy.

Personally, I think you have given him the benefit of the doubt. Beside, you may be questioning his trustworthy based on based experiences. But I want you to know that people are capable of changing and becoming better. Also, it isn't mandatory that you should have given him the whole three thousand dollars. You could have been able to spare, maybe $500, $1000, or $1500 or any amount you could spare. He was already in a bad place.

Quote
A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
I still think, you could have lent him whatever amount you could spare. It probably would have gone a long way. Maybe your act of kindness mixed with encouraging words would have made him become a better person character wise. He is hurt that is why he snubbed you at the family reunion. Lastly, this shouldn't be enough to damage family bond.
legendary
Activity: 3122
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March 15, 2023, 06:32:55 PM
#73

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
Common reaction whether if its part of the family or your friend or someone you do know.On the time that you would really be not granting up their request or favor then for sure they would really be having those kind of actions where they wont really be minding on having good responses or in good mood. Just like the rest been saying that you did well, we do all want money and we just do assure that we wont really be experiencing
some problems on the time that you would really asking for repayment. If you do see that he's not financially capable since he do lost up some work, then it would be common sense that you shouldnt lent him.
For some amounts as act as a help then its considerable but borrowing huge numbers then its an another story.
hero member
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Rollbit.com ⚔️Crypto Futures
March 15, 2023, 06:16:30 PM
#72
The thing with family is we always think we know people and sometimes we could be right and sometimes we could be wrong and never want to admit it.
When it comes to finances and family I think it's all about flexibility, you don't want to be the robocop of the family that always thinks they know it all, sometimes just give people the benefit of the doubt as people grow out of these bad habits and try to impress the people that came through for them,if we can't believe in them then who will...unless we saying family nolonger matters and second chances do not exist anymore  Undecided
hero member
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Leading Crypto Sports Betting & Casino Platform
March 15, 2023, 06:10:49 PM
#71
Well, for me, I can't lend anyone money knowing that the person has no source or means of paying it back, unless i have considered it a gift, and that's if the lend request is from a family relative or a best friend. I have friends that ask me to lend them money, but because they are not reliable, I usually decline their request because I hate a situation where, after lending someone money, they expect me to beg them for repayment when the agreed-upon period of repayment is over. At that moment, demanding my money could lead to misunderstandings and some conflict that could also break a friendship or family bond. OP, I think your decision was right.
hero member
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March 15, 2023, 05:05:12 PM
#70
What is the essence of having much money if others mostly family can't benefit from it?
As long as family is involved and the person in question really looks like he could really use the cash, even if he couldn't payback, I don't see why a hand couldn't be extended, even if not with the full amount, but with half of the price at least.
It could have been you on the knife edge and needed his help. Who am I to judge after all. You remain the better judge, OP, and no one can fault you for that.
This is not whether or not family members can use the money we have, but this is about trust between family members. Maybe it's not wrong if family members help each other, but you need to know that not all family members can do that, I mean when they have a bad track record that makes them reluctant to offer help to them. We don't see from one side, but we also have to see from various sides. besides, I'm sure the OP will also provide him with assistance, it's just that the amount is not what one of his family members wants.
member
Activity: 263
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March 15, 2023, 02:10:05 PM
#69
As if lending him the money will change him into a good guy, you did the right thing because even if you pitied him you won't get your money back, he might even missed the family reunion because of the money, do what you feel is right for your mental health, no one knows your family better than you do. In this world today, your best friend will turn your biggest enemy because of money, lending people money is like creating new sets of enemies.
sr. member
Activity: 742
Merit: 275
March 15, 2023, 12:12:49 PM
#68
Disputes over money has and would continue to ruin a lot of relationships. Relationships between family members and friends alike have abruptly ended cause of disputes over money and in most cases, the relationship would not end on good terms as well.

Personally, I try not to let money come in between my relationship with my family and friends, and that’s why I do not lend any money that I can’t afford to let go to any family member or friend.

It can be quite difficult to refuse lending money to a family member or a friend in need but when I know I would have a hard time getting it back or probably wouldn’t get it back at all, I definitely would not be willing to part with  any money.
Perhaps, if I’m feeling magnanimous enough and the issues that needs my money is really urgent, I would still lend to a family member or a true friend and wouldn’t bother to go all out to get my money back.
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