Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 7.

posi

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Quote from: Docnaster on March 24, 2023, 06:46:07 PM

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

The problem is that it is hard to know which is the right step to take in this case, because if you lend or not, you will lose the relationship regardless of what you decide. If you don't give them a loan, they'll definitely ignore you, and if they can't pay you back, they'll find a way to hide from you, too. In either case, you will lose that relationship in the end. If it were me, I would not lend it to them, I would rather lose one of them than lose both.

KiaKia

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You've learned, know that if any family members come to lend money from you they always don't have the intention to pay the money back, it is rare to see one that will pay everything they owe you, some will manage to pay half of the money, that's even after you report them to older family members after they pay half of the money they won't pay the rest, this has happened within my family few times and I put a stop to it, now if I have to help any family member, I always give away the money and never expect them to pay back. Assuming the person needs 1000$ from you, you can give them 200$ and tell them that they don't need to pay you back, that this is all you have on you, this won't cause any hate or cruelty between the person, this works better.

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There was a saying that, earlier anger is better than later anger. It is better not to lend to someone who is untrustworthy and has no ability to repay the loan, no matter how close he is. I think the op made the right decision and there's no need to be upset about it. He is right from his place, where the other person has severed the family bond by not getting the lend.

Farma

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Quote from: Docnaster on March 24, 2023, 06:46:07 PM

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

this is a great suggestion. personally, I also have a family like that. they just come to borrow money, then never discuss the debt again. however, the money I lent him was money I was willing to lose, only a few tens of dollars to my recollection, so it wouldn't hurt the relationship I had with my family. This will not make him borrow money again before he repays the money he has borrowed.
Only, it would be different if they borrowed a lot of money. It might damage the relationship we have. so, I thought, it was better not to loan the money at all, than to cause a bigger rift in the family.

cozytrade

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Quote from: Docnaster on March 24, 2023, 06:46:07 PM

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

I think that if we lend money to any of our people, it will be seen at a later point in time that lending money will destroy the relationship. If we cannot repay the money, the relationship with them will be very bad, so I think it is better not to lend money. .Lending money will not last the relationship for a long time.There are some people who can't talk about borrowing money later. Money can't be given to these people in any way.

Quote from: Dr.Bitcoin_Strange on March 16, 2023, 06:06:07 PM

Quote from: Kakmakr on March 14, 2023, 01:51:12 AM

I just borrowed "money" to a friend to send his daughter for drug rehabilitation and I know the chance of her recovery are very low, but I did it any way. He will most probably not be able to pay me back, but I have more value in his friendship than what money can buy.

Sometimes... you have to focus on what are the most important in your life, not in what money can do for you. I know, if I ever run into trouble... those people will be the only ones that might support me, but if they do not do that.. it will still be OK. Wink

The favour you showed was great, but some people take support or help for granted. Some people only think they can need your help all the time, but when you request their help, you can't get it.

I think there are some people who are very good, they are in danger at some point, if I lend money to them, I will pay them back on time. I have no problem lending money to these people. Because if I trust them to keep their word, it will not be foolish to give them money. And I think it is very foolish to lend money to those who cannot keep their word.

qwertyup23

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 13, 2023, 12:05:11 AM

A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

It is never your obligation to lend money to your relatives as they have the duty to save for emergency purposes. If your cousin did not speak to you during your family reunion, then it just really speaks about his character. The fact that you know that he is not trustworthy solidifies the reason on why you should never lend any money to him/her. He/she has the responsibility of saving funds for emergency purposes like this one.

If that is the case, then cut your ties with him/her as he would probably drag you down in his problems. What is the purpose of keeping such bond if it is corrupted and rotten at its core already? At this day and age, self-preservation is the key, except if you have family to provide for.

coinerer

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Quote from: Docnaster on March 24, 2023, 06:46:07 PM

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

A person must not give an amount loan, which amount of loan he is eligible for. Otherwise he will fail to repay his loan and the lender will have to struggle to recover the money. Money is everyone's personal wealth and without it people are immobile so it should be used and managed in such a way that it does not have any adverse effect on the person. Whether it is a relative or a friend, before lending money, it must be ensured that the person is trustworthy and able to repay the loan. Then the loan should be given to that person

serjent05

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Quote from: Docnaster on March 24, 2023, 06:46:07 PM

One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

Another lesson is that when you lend money to a relative, never expect that they will pay you back. This often happens within the family and relatives but whatever it takes, I would rather be the one on the giving end than on the receiving end. I will still lend money even if there is no way to get it back. He is my relative after all. We have been generous to our friends, what more to our kin especially when they are in times of trouble.

No matter what @OP situation is I can only conclude that money is more important than his relative because he worries more about the payment than the situation of his cousin. Grin

Docnaster

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One big lesson I've learnt in life about lending money is that the whenever you want to lend money to a family member or friend who you don't trust his financial worthiness, the amount should not be more than what you can let go for him/her. Some family members will or friends do borrow money they perfectly know in their herat that they are not gonna pay back. So instead allowing a lended money to damage family bond, it's better not to lend in the first place

soramon

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I have been felt a lot situation like that. I've learn if you cant trust somebody will pay their debt just dont do it. Instead give some money that you can afford and tell them to not repay it. You not worry about your money anymore and your relationship is not broken because of money.

inthelongrun

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Quote from: isaac_clarke22 on March 16, 2023, 09:19:54 AM

Quote from: inthelongrun on March 16, 2023, 02:15:50 AM

~

That would really suck. I get the habit of welcoming others, but maybe not being to the point of you being the doormat. Regardless of any amount, the trust was already lost at that point and you even mentioned that you're not rich. Having a money lent to someone is just like an investment of you thinking that the money you gave will surely be losses and you would not get it back regardless.

This is why I also do not really want to lend. I hate chasing people to pay and I don't really enjoy interacting with people that are trying to test my patience. It is either I would not talk to you at all anymore or I would talk to you in a one-liner to end the communication there and never ever hear anything from me again.

And to think that many of them are non-interest bearing especially to close friends and relatives. I am not into lending as well, but there are times that are unexpected and you feel like you need to help them and thought you can trust them. Then all of a sudden you realized they aren't the person you are expecting.

I also have the same personality as you. I do not want to collect my receivables as they are supposed to be the ones to come to me and pay. And that's really what happened, I am staying away from them and avoiding further conversations.

Inwestour

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Quote from: Mauser on March 18, 2023, 07:00:13 AM

That's a big red flag and it's good that you didn't lend him money. In my opinion it's best to keep. Family and money seperated as long as it's not emergency. In a life or death situation I would do anything for my family, but in other cases I would be reluctant to give a lot of money. It also depend on how wealthy our family, for an average family where we have to work hard for our money it's not easy to lend large amounts of money. Just by his reaction you already know that you made the right decision. Who knows when he would have repaid you, or maybe he would assume because you are family that he doesn't have to repay you. This creates a very annoying situation where you would have to run after your money, better to avoid such issues in the first place.

To some extent, this is respect for the family, because the one who takes care of his family will worry about good relations and making the family members feel comfortable. I know that this is the case in my family, and if someone makes such a request to me, I will know that this is a really difficult situation and I will help, but this is because such situations in my family are extremely rare, because everyone is worried about good relations.

If the situation is different and it can be abused, then you need to learn to recognize this, since this will only exacerbate the relationship in the end.

Mauser

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 13, 2023, 12:05:11 AM

A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

That's a big red flag and it's good that you didn't lend him money. In my opinion it's best to keep. Family and money seperated as long as it's not emergency. In a life or death situation I would do anything for my family, but in other cases I would be reluctant to give a lot of money. It also depend on how wealthy our family, for an average family where we have to work hard for our money it's not easy to lend large amounts of money. Just by his reaction you already know that you made the right decision. Who knows when he would have repaid you, or maybe he would assume because you are family that he doesn't have to repay you. This creates a very annoying situation where you would have to run after your money, better to avoid such issues in the first place.

19Nov16

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Nowadays many people are individualists, they no longer care about religious or family values, when debts occur they don't care anymore about family values, almost every day we encounter news about murders caused by debt problems, the best thing is when there is a family that is in debt provide convenience and even free the debt.

Mario Yamasaki

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Changing times have made family values disappear, humans get angry and offended easily because of small things, many people even have to lose family members because of debt problems, sometimes debt problems are considered trivial because the person who owes does not want to pay while the one giving the debt is impatient.

Kodok Bencot

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Debt problems are serious so that they can break up with relatives and even family, debt is very sensitive and I suggest not to be in debt to family, it's better to owe to other people, especially now that there are more and more online loan applications that we can use when we really need money.

Retainly_Collie

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A rather sensitive issue about family relationships or in society, I have also met a number of cases where relatives borrowed money to invest in other asset portfolios. But when I talk directly, I see that they are making a mistake because only investing through a broker is not proactive.
I once saw a funny story about borrowing money. If I lend you money I will lose both you and the money, but if I don't lend you money I only lose a friend and the money remains.
I personally also look at the problem as positively as possible, help people most effectively without necessarily involving money, sometimes it is worth more than losing money, pointing out the mistakes of new people and strengthen yourself.

Rockstarguy

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Quote from: Marcellin9 on March 13, 2023, 12:05:11 AM

Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.

Money has killed many good relationships in family. People needs to be very careful in money with relatives. As far as you know your cousin very well, knowing fully if you lend him the money he is not going to get back to you. Your decision for not lending him is the best because it will surely turn out to be serious problem. When relatives who are not honest with their words ask for money for borrow, it is better to assist them with the little you have for free or not lending money than to give them knowing fully well that they will not pay back for the sake of peace to reign. When we know relatives who are not honest in their word when it comes to money, it is important we do not fall into them doing good that will later become a problem.

lienfaye

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As you've said your cousin is not trustworthy, that means he is not the type of person that is true to his words. For me, you made the right decision to not lend him money. Because it is likely that he will just ignore you when the time comes you're already asking him to pay.

Moreover it doesn't feel good to lend money then this particular person won't pay you. Your trust and relation towards the person would not be the same again. It's hard to earn money so it's just right to refuse if you feel the one asking for it is not deserving.

gunhell16

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I think many of the communities here on the forum can relate to what you are saying. And if there is any reason why you don't trust him, it's not his fault, besides, he's also borrowing a large amount of money.

And from what I have seen, the person you refused to lend money to has a bad attitude. If I look at the situation, he was the one who had the urge to be angry with you while he was the one who would lend you money when he needed you, that's why he failed in his goal with you, which could be the reason why he doesn't talk to you but Did you ask him why he doesn't talk to you, dude?

Topic: Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 7. (Read 1434 times)