Topic: Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 3. (Read 1580 times)

Unfortunately, lending or borrowing money usually creates a problem between friends or relatives. And this problem is in some ways used by financial companies to encourage people to take credit money from banks instead of going with their problem to their friends/family. The situation with not a trustworthy guy among close acquaintances is a terrible thing: if he doesn't really need money (for example, he spends a lot without any reason), then its a positive thing for him - he would surely behave in more rational way concerning money spending, but if he really needs money, then it can lead him to take a credit which he probably won't be able to pay, so then its a problem for the whole family/community/company... And these two cases are not always easy to distinguish from each other. So the best way, I think, is to involve more mutual friends/relatives and discuss the problem and its solution altogether.

Money has caused more problems than we can imagine in our lives, like broken family relationship , failed marriages, and other issues. If you want to help someone in this life, do it from the bottom of your heart, because giving someone something that you are not willing to give isn't a help. According to your story, there was nothing wrong with him asking you to lend him money and you telling him you didn't have any.
Make sure you are capable of lending money to others, especially causins or any family member, because they won't return it. This does not imply that you do not want to give; rather, it means that you are unable to do so because you may need it at any time.

It cannot be denied that in this world there are many cases of hostility between families caused by financial problems, especially borrowing money or vice versa.
but that doesn't mean we can't help our families who are in need of money, there are many other ways that can be done without destroying family ties.
such as lending money without an agreement or if you can give enough money sincerely.

Humans when they are very fond and need money, it is natural that everyone does anything for money, but money can unite 2 people who are hostile or vice versa can make 2 friends become enemies, and when we are in debt, our obligations are immediately paid off, not because of the debt of friendship or kinship becomes lost.

Family-money relationships can be complicated. You want to help your family without being exploited. In instances like this, you must be alert and thoughtful. "Is this person being honest with me?" Can I help them? Will my actions worsen things? If you know an offer will be rejected, decline it. You can support your family without risking your safety. But family is priceless. If you help, set rules and communicate to avoid conflict and hurt feelings

The dilemma you are facing is not an easy one, and almost every person on the planet faces it. Almost all of us have relatives of some sort. There are few solutions here: either lend money to your unreliable cousin, forever forgetting about this money (because he will never give it back) and then you will maintain your family ties (but is this so, because you will no longer treat your cousin as before); or - don't give him anything, as you did and ruin your relationship with him. As you can see, in both cases, there will always be someone dissatisfied with this state of affairs.

Money at any time can spoil the relationship between people and it doesn’t matter if they are strangers, friends or relatives. This could have been avoided if people had fulfilled their obligations to each other. They borrow money, and then don't return it, and they are still offended by you. Completely forgetting and confusing that this is a request, not a requirement.

Money problems can destroy everything.  it is very difficult to lend money to people we do not trust even though it is still related to brotherhood.  the problem you are facing can be discussed properly, he should not act like that if the loan application is not granted there should not be the slightest sense of hatred, he must be self aware and be able to accept it wisely

Correct. We must first evaluate the situation and financial condition of ourselves. before deciding whether to lend or not. and if indeed we have really cold money and we do not mind if the money will be returned to us late or even not returned at all. so I think we can help or lend our money to relatives or other people, we can do it with a calm feeling. but we also must first try to explore and understand the borrower's situation. if the borrower really needs money in an emergency situation or for something that is indeed positive, such as rebuilding his business, then this condition is indeed appropriate for us to help. but if it turns out that the borrower's condition cannot be trusted or even he just looks like he needs money for fun then I don't think we are encouraged to give loans to people like this. because well he will probably come and come again regardless of the past loan that he has not returned.

I think that making a solid bond with family member is necessary but if a family members are not trustworthy then don't make a bond of money with them. There are lots of people who ask for loan but do not return and I think that refuse to give money is better because your family bond will surely break when your uncle refuse to give it back to you after talking loan from you.

You take correct decision because if he makes relationship with you for just money then it's not a relationship but is a way of getting money in wrong way.
Family bond is important than money but the situation which you describe cannot save your family bond because if you give him laon he will not be able to give you back so this breaking of bond will occur then.

It shouldn't be any other way, in my opinion. Everyone has his own problems to deal with. Everyone needs money for solving those problems. Some people think that their problems are more important than anyone else's, and there are rare cases when it's true, and then we should act according to the situation, but most of the time you shouldn't lend more than you care to lose.

No matter which you would go, you would be still end up as the one which is bad.Its just right that you should really be focusing on your finances and see if it just right for you to lend him money or not.

This actually a real life situations on which there are really relatives which their intentions are really that just good when you do have the money, on the time that you do decline their request then this is

where coldness would start up and having those gaps in between relatives or families which do really suck on having that kind of feeling.This is why
you should make out explanation on why you had decline it out, if they do treat it up on bad way then there's nothing you can do.

You definitely did the right thing. There was a coldness between you now that he was avoiding talking to you. However, if you had lent him money and he hadn't paid you back, it could have been more than a coldness between you. I think you may have prevented a bigger disaster with this choice. In addition, even banks examine our behavior from an economic point of view when lending to us. You did something perfectly normal and right, just like banks do. You should feel comfortable conscientiously.

There are people that don't depends on their family member to sustain their lives, what they do is to work hard and strive for their own fate to pave way, everything works by determination, if they truly want to live a financial freedom kind of life it's possible, but it's take demanding because you will bend some rules and break protocols sometimes, which is actually part of the sacrifice you're giving, so that when you get rich, no one will boast of making you whom you are, it will also help you utilize every resources you have well and place value.

I think this brings us to what is more important to one person is, money or sympathy.  We cannot blame anyone for their action.  They have their own priority and we cannot change that. @OP gives more importance to his money, he maybe sympathizes with his cousin's bad fate but he values his money more than reaching out to help his cousin.  For me, any reason he stated is just an alibi to support his decision an convince himself and others that he is right.  I also do not think that he is wrong but I would have done the other way if I were in his shoes.

When it comes to unpaid borrowed money, I have lots of experience.  I lend my forum friend 0.2 BTC, but he did not pay and eventually gave it to him as a marriage gift when he got married.  Then months after, he came to me asking to borrow money because his trading partner is after him when their trading investment collapsed due to the bear market, I still lend him 0.1 BTC which is still unpaid until now, I don't regret or hate the person since I think that the money had saved his life which removes the burden of guilt if I did not lend him the amount.  We are still communicating every now and then.

Another friend of mine asked me for help since a bank is after his wife and had threatened to be sued.  I lend them $7000 to fix their problem, that was 5 years ago and until now their promised monthly payment is unfulfilled. 

For me, money can be earned in the future but the situation to help others in a tight spot comes only once or twice.  I do value money but If I can and have extra, I would prefer to extend my help regardless of past experiences.

If there are other alternatives, in my opinion, it is better to give as much as you can for free to your family than having to give debt or loans to your own family. that way I think it will avoid bad relations between families.
most breakdowns in family relationships are caused by money. avoid is better in my opinion

the right decision, actually what you took but it's good that you gave money yesterday as a sincere expression of sympathy for the loss of a job, because actually we as brothers help each other is necessary, if you don't trust it with large amounts it's good for you to give a little to help so that your brotherhood is maintained.
and what your brother did by not reprimanding you is also wrong, it's best to keep communicating so that it doesn't continue too much so that it makes the relationship even further

If we already know the character of someone who likes to borrow but doesn't want to pay for it for whatever reason, then we only give money that can afford to lose because we already know he definitely won't pay it at any time, but if he asks for hundreds to thousands of dollars then no one will give high loans to him, so as long as we have a way to give a good explanation then he will definitely hate because he understands your economic situation, if he looks hateful to you maybe because he is disappointed because you don't give loans, but you still act as usual to start communicating with him.

If he had asked you to lend him the money for a business some more meaningful reason, I'd have asked you be considerate even if it meant getting a guarantor but, lending money to pay up a loan???

This only means you'll never get yours back because, If he was working, what then did he need a loan for??

And why couldn't he repay then??
No offense but this trait is mainly possessed by a greedy and self centered person..
He'll be fine, he just has a lot of adjustments to make.

Here’s what I do. If the amount they are asking for is something I can afford to lose I just give them, knowing I may or may not get my money back. When you look at it this way, you can easily evaluate the situation and give them a answer that puts you in a safe place without having a guilty conscience and straining the relationship.

Debt will indeed damage our trust and relationship with someone if that person cannot pay off their debt and even tries to stay away from us and just forget about their debt.
I know exactly how you feel OP, I've experienced it myself. I once lent money of approximately $250 to my office friend but until now he has no intention of returning it and he even tends to avoid meeting me and until now he has never responded to my chats or calls.
Since then I have been more selective and careful when someone wants to borrow money from me, even if it is someone close to me. From the beginning before I handed over my money to help them, I made it clear to them that I didn't care how long it would take to be paid off but that debt was an obligation to be paid off. I told them not to walk away or stop communicating with me if they haven't been able to pay off because it's more important to maintain good relations.
I don't want to close myself off from helping others or stop helping someone if they are really in an emergency, if I can then I will help them but I will only be more selective and more assertive. Because in the past I was often helped by many people when I was in trouble. The wheel of life keeps turning when we are at the top but it could be that we will be at the bottom and need the help of others.