Topic: Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 12. (Read 1580 times)

As someone who has been stuck in a situation like your relative, I know how heartbreaking it is to not receive help from the ones you expect would be able to lend you a hand. Although I also get you OP, seeing as I'm someone who lends money out as well and have been stiffed out of my own money a couple of times by relatives. My solution to this is to offer them an ultimatum. I learned this from a shark tank investor during a night of belligerent browsing over the internet, but I digress. They ask for money from you, you oblige, if you feel like it you can even tell them to not oblige themselves to pay you at all, but you should let them know that this will be the last time they will ever be able to ask for money from you. If they take the money, no more loans after. That way you can save yourself awkwardness in family reunions and get-togethers, and you'll be painted as one of the most generous relatives too!

I think your decision was pretty good considering the fact that he did not speak with you at the family reunion. Imagine if he is not that understanding of your decision then how could anyone trust him with the loan payoffs in the future? I hate to break it but your cousin is really selfish and he could just think about his own situation but not yours. Let us say you might have had some troubles at your own end as well but he did not think about it in the first place.

Managing finances is the first rule when you live in this world. If you mismanage it then things could turn out bad. Just like what happened with your cousin. He might have gone rogue on his job, he might not be that good in managing his funds as well that's why he may not have any safe funds to pay the EMI's for a few more months.

Better yet say no in such situation and save yourself.

Don't waste your energy on things you don't need. Your attitude is correct. Dealing with money is a bit sensitive, let alone lending money to people you can't trust. Establishing brotherhood is indeed important but don't sacrifice our wealth either, unless we give just enough and without asking to be paid back. Your brother should also have self-respect, because being in debt will risk self-esteem, especially for people who don't have integrity.

If you had the money to spare, and the money in abundance, you would have been able to just give to this family member regardless of if they will be able to pay back soon or not. You do not have enough and any money you give out is out of sacrifice which you expected to be paid back. When you know that someone that has asked you for money even if they are family members do not have the habit of paying back, there is a reluctance to give because money is not easy to make.

Because this person is family, you should have considered giving some of the amount of money this person has asked for since you cannot give all, so your relationship is not completely affected. In giving some, the person knows that you still want to help, but you cannot in the capacity that they expect. Try this next time.

Did you not lend him the money because he was really not a solid trustworthy guy or because you realized he probably wouldn't be able to pay it back because now he doesn't have a job? Just my honest open question. I realize most people even within the family wouldn't mind dealing with you in whatever capacity when you are working and is financially stable but as soon as you lose your job, most of them stay away from you, and trust me cos I know this.
Anyways, you might want to get people's opinion in here that you did the right thing and others will say the opposite but at the end of the day it is your family issue, and both of you will have to resolve it someday

Anything about money will be very sensitive, there is even a saying that the sharpest relationship breaker is money. And I really felt that when my friend borrowed money from me, when I asked him about it he got angry, even though I had helped him before.
What you are doing is right, maybe it looks uncompassionate because we don't lend money when he needs it. But when it will make it difficult for us in the end, there is no other choice but not to lend it. I'm sure if that person can be trusted then you will give him a loan, but his problem with being untrustworthy is what keeps you from giving him a loan.

It might be a little harsh to say this, but it's not your problem that he failed to manage his finances better. Saving is vital for emergency purposes; it's a must for every household. I completely understand why you didn't lend him the money; he didn't bother caring about himself in the first place, so why should you? It's better that it happened this way so you can identify those toxic relatives and remove them from your life. His request is pressing because he's a relative, but he should also comprehend your position and not be pissed off at you. I would have done the same if I were in your shoes.

Well said, It's great that you have a strong understanding of the importance of managing finances properly. It can be difficult to make decisions regarding lending money, especially when it involves family. It's important to prioritize your financial well-being and to only lend money to those who you trust and believe will be responsible with the funds. It's unfortunate that your cousin may be holding a grudge against you for not lending him the money, but it's important to stay true to your values and not be swayed by guilt or pressure. Ultimately, you made the best decision for yourself and your financial future.

Sometimes the hardest thing it takes to learn in life is the ability to say no. There are some extreme examples and emergencies, where if you have a strong relationship, that goes equally both ways - then it can make sense to give someone money to help them out, if you have it to spare. However the keyword there is give. Lending money to friends and family is only going to lead to lots of problems in the longer run. If they need money then give it to them on the basis that you expect to lose it all and only what you can reasonably afford, that way when they do pay it back it works out best for everyone. Nobody that asks, essentially begs, for money and is angry when you refuse is worth being around anyway - your cousin did you a favor by showing how little they value you.

It's just you're good moral that is making you feel sorry for not giving your cousin the loan that he asked from you. Well, you should not worry about him or the relationship you have with him, if he has betrayed you once then you should not lend him any more money in the future.

If he still has not talked with you then no doubt when he will need the money he will definitely come to you again but as you mentioned he is not trustworthy, so I must say the money should not go waste like I know lending him money will be of great use to him but it will be of no use to you. I can assume this, from the scenario that you mentioned above.

Some cousins are very close and live around you or near to you like maybe not in the same city but not that far and you met with them from time to time and you gave and take some items, like food, money or lend any home appliance for a short period of time and then you took them back. Those cousins are trustworthy and in your scenario, this cousin met you after a long time on a family occasion. (this convinced me to assume that he is not a cousin who lives near you or you have less relationship with him.

well talking about myself, I also have a cousin that I met the first time, well he was near to my other cousin ( to whom I was really close) but that cousin (whom I met the first time) scammed me with money by giving me the fake opportunity of job and took some money from me that after some time I came to know, does not require by that company. The bonus was, I was neither called for a job interview. When I share this scene with my close cousin then he asked him why did you do that. well, now they both do not talk with each other neither am i.

No doubt money is not that important but it's not money that relates you with your relative it's trust and devotion to each other with no lies or fakeness. well once I saw these immoralities in my cousin (to whom I met the first time) I never talked or interacted with him after that because i know what is the nature of him and he will again thug me,

here in our country, most borrowers don't know how to pay kindly when you need something. But when the charge comes, he avoids the creditor.

    Then when you charge him because he doesn't make you feel his debt, they will say you won't run, and if you say bad things because he's not a good payer and perverts the lender, the borrowers will let the bad borrower out.

Only you can save your money, it takes firmness to take a stand when faced with a situation like this. In most cases that occur in society, money that has been lent to other people is very difficult to collect.
My father once told me to be careful when lending to other people. When they ask us for a loan, they always put on an innocent face like a hungry cat which makes us feel sorry to see it, but when we collect the loan, the borrower immediately puts on a scary face like a tiger going berserk. Better to lose a friend or relative for a while than to lose money and a friend or relative forever because they couldn't keep the trust placed in them.

I think your decision is right because you know your cousin can't be trusted. But you know he's really having a hard time, and if so I think you should try to listen to his problems and also listen to the reasons he wants to borrow money from you, and if he's ever tried that before, and this is only if you have a conscience.
and if you really know your cousin's attitude or character it is your cousin's risk so he can change his ugliness, and other reasons because he is just a cousin not your brother. And if he is your sibling I hope you can help him because you are financially reliable.
if because it changes your extended family ties and only with cousins, ignore it later it's also fine again.

I hope your cousin understand and and be mature about your situation now. because it doesn't mean you hate him didn't lend the money, maybe you just want your cousin understand if the family relationship is very important than money. So that case you won't lend him.

It sounds like you made the right decision based on the information you had at the time, and it's understandable that you may feel awkward now that you've seen this cousin again.
Also worth considering whether there might be other ways you can support your cousin if you're not comfortable lending them money. For example, you could offer to help them look for job openings or connect them with resources in your community that might be able to assist them.

It's okay to prioritize your own financial wellbeing and make decisions that align with your values and priorities.

It was the right decision, because you are able to protect yourself by not lending your money to people you can't trust, I will also do the same thing as you do instead of me killing myself by lending to people like that even in family relationship.
That awkward atmosphere is normal in my opinion when you don't live up to your cousin's expectations at that time. Likewise, if you lend money to him and don't pay, you will have an awkward situation, I have experienced that too, but the situation is that you are the one who feels annoyed, especially if the money that is loaned is money that we use to operate our business, position you will be more difficult if that happens.

What you are doing is actually right, you don't need to feel guilty, it's just your own excessive feeling. Maybe if at that time you gave a loan and he couldn't pay it in a timely manner, that would be a new problem again, maybe when we met, he would feel even more awkward than now.

Because I also have experience with this. Very traumatized by this debt problem. I have a close friend, at that time the economy was not stable, his wife was pregnant, then she wanted to give birth. He begs for help, the reason is to buy baby milk, who can bear to see it, while I can help. That was several times until the debt was around $1500. So when I was having a hard time, there was no money, I needed money. When I bill it, it's hard to ask for forgiveness, until it's like someone begging. Even though I had given him more than 8 months to prepare the funds, it didn't even need to be paid off.
It's really sad, the promise at the beginning will be paid on time, when I bill it turns out there isn't any. I finally had to ask someone else for a loan.

If you have the capacity to lend someone in your family that will not gonna give huge impact to your finances then why not help them? Unless this guy has multiple unpaid loans to you then you should not lend him anymore. Human is not a natural untrustworthy, there situation just push them to become that kind of person. I have this kind of cousin too that continuously badgering me about borrowing money. I can’t give him the amount that he want but I still lend him money that I can afford.

Sometimes family is worthy than money especially if you will see this person most of the time because they knew you are financial stable which is painful for them to be turn down.

While lending out money there is no rule that says we have to be stupid, we can only act wisely. However, have you personally known this family member to be untrusted from your previous financial dealings with him or you just relied and concluded from what was said about him by others? This question is out of the misjudgement we have on others especially when we have not had that kind of personal bizarre encounter with them. Well in this kind of situation what people who fear about refund but desire to help do is, to give part of the loan money that you can afford to lose as gift not to be returned and by that you inform the receiver you don't have all of the money but that you can help with this little. Believe it there is need to keep family going rather than severing it totally by our action or inaction.

I can relate to your cousin's experience because, like him, I was rejected when I asked my family for financial assistance after running a bit short on funds. It's so sad that when it's you who needs help, they just don't give a damn. They used to ask me if they could borrow money, and since I had extra cash left over, I did lend it to them.