Topic: Lending money or damaging family bond ? - page 13. (Read 1425 times)
While lending out money there is no rule that says we have to be stupid, we can only act wisely. However, have you personally known this family member to be untrusted from your previous financial dealings with him or you just relied and concluded from what was said about him by others? This question is out of the misjudgement we have on others especially when we have not had that kind of personal bizarre encounter with them. Well in this kind of situation what people who fear about refund but desire to help do is, to give part of the loan money that you can afford to lose as gift not to be returned and by that you inform the receiver you don't have all of the money but that you can help with this little. Believe it there is need to keep family going rather than severing it totally by our action or inaction.
I can relate to your cousin's experience because, like him, I was rejected when I asked my family for financial assistance after running a bit short on funds. It's so sad that when it's you who needs help, they just don't give a damn. They used to ask me if they could borrow money, and since I had extra cash left over, I did lend it to them.
It will always depend on how a family member, a relative, or even a friend has built his trust. If you really think he is not worth the price he asked because he won't pay you afterward then you just did the right thing. If he takes it to heart then it's his problem because once you gave him that money and he didn't pay you will be the one who is bummed out which leads to stress. You won't like that feeling.
Who knows if that will be a good learning point for him. What if that decision will make him work harder for his own money and learn how to save?
Who knows if that will be a good learning point for him. What if that decision will make him work harder for his own money and learn how to save?
Money and family ties? Happens a lot, to most of us. Problem here is people using ties as an advantage for privileges such as being able to lend in an instant and for extending the period that the borrowed amount should be paid. This is also evident with social relations or friendships in particular. On my end, if the amount is huge and I know for myself that the person won't be able to return the money I will just give him a percentage of the amount he is needing, without requiring him to pay. Perhaps an individual is lending $1k, I'd give him 50 bucks with initiative just to free myself from guilt and to be safe from regrets. If I would allow his request inspite of being aware of negative tendencies, I'd be having problem afterwards.
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
That's okay, you can remove relatives and friends that are toxic to you. That type of not acknowledging you during that reunion was a sign that he's a toxic person.You've worked hard for that money and it's not a small amount to be lending him away. I know that people needs some help in times of need but who's there to help you when you're in need?
You don't have to validate others feeling but what you need to validate is your feelings and your needs.
The best thing you will do to someone who wants to lend money from you and you know that quit well the person will not be able to refund the borrowed money, the shortest way to bridge incoming problems between you and the person if you eventually borrowed him the money is to dash the person money the one you can afford, but the aspect of borrowing the person money which you know it will be difficult for it to refund you.
It's just an unpleasant feeling that I think will subside faster, at least you try to communicate to neutralize the atmosphere and pretend that nothing happened. Or give any amount of money you're willing to help him.
But it is better to avoid financial loss as best as possible. If in the end your sibling defaults on loans, this will make your relationship even more tenuous than this one.
But it is better to avoid financial loss as best as possible. If in the end your sibling defaults on loans, this will make your relationship even more tenuous than this one.
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You did well.
If your cousin is unreliable, the relationship was going to end up broken anyway. If you had left him the money, he would most likely not have returned it to you and you would then be the ackward one with him at family gatherings.
In my language we say that whoever lends money to a friend, loses the money and the friend, which is true although with exceptions, not 100% of the time. You can apply this to family members as well.
There are times when it is worthwhile to lend a relative or friend money, because they are reliable, because they have encountered an exceptional unforeseen circumstance and the like, but in most cases this is not the case.
If your cousin is unreliable, the relationship was going to end up broken anyway. If you had left him the money, he would most likely not have returned it to you and you would then be the ackward one with him at family gatherings.
In my language we say that whoever lends money to a friend, loses the money and the friend, which is true although with exceptions, not 100% of the time. You can apply this to family members as well.
There are times when it is worthwhile to lend a relative or friend money, because they are reliable, because they have encountered an exceptional unforeseen circumstance and the like, but in most cases this is not the case.
Managing finances properly is key to our financial life, which is well known to each of us, I guess. I feel like this is in my bones so sometimes I make some decisions subconsciously. I recently ran into a situation where I found myself really awkward. Last July or August(I can't remember that clearly), one of my extended family cousin asked me for three thousand dollars as he lost his job and could not pay off his loans. I refuse to lend him the money cause I knew him well that he was not a solid trustworthy guy. A few days ago we met on a family reunion occasion and he did not really talk to me and I suddenly realized that it was because I didn't lend him money last year. I think about it twice and if he had not been that untrustworthy, I would have definitely lent him the money. Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and best wishes to him.
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