Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
Topic: Tell us a joke.... - page 17. (Read 35088 times)
Homer simpson and hippies both have something in common,dohpe
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
A red ship crashes into a blue ship. The sailors were marooned.
---
What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
The taxidermist leaves the skin behind.
---
Two wrongs don't make a right. But three lefts do.
M
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What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
The taxidermist leaves the skin behind.
---
Two wrongs don't make a right. But three lefts do.
M
@Kiki112: Never put a simley on sarcasm. Completely changes the meaning.
okay, sorry
A guy with a parrot walks into a bar and the waitor asks, oh he's cool, where did you get him?
Africa, there's like a million of them, the parrot said
@Kiki112: Never put a simley on sarcasm. Completely changes the meaning.
okay, sorry
A guy with a parrot walks into a bar and the waitor asks, oh he's cool, where did you get him?
Africa, there's like a million of them, the parrot said
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar.
Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar.
The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar.
The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
@Kiki112: Never put a simley on sarcasm. Completely changes the meaning.
Mtgox
Next time your boss pisses you off go up to him and say " Hey hows your wife and my kids?"
you surely won't get fired, no odds of that happening
I was being sarcastic..
Next time your boss pisses you off go up to him and say " Hey hows your wife and my kids?"
you surely won't get fired, no odds of that happening
Next time your boss pisses you off go up to him and say " Hey hows your wife and my kids?"
you surely won't get fired, no odds of that happening
Next time your boss pisses you off go up to him and say " Hey hows your wife and my kids?"
If you want to get fired.
Next time your boss pisses you off go up to him and say " Hey hows your wife and my kids?"
lolz!!
you know those times when your girl/wife tells you to do something which you don't want and she says come on, do it for me
tell her I'll remember that when we go to bed
it's actually from two and a half men
tell her I'll remember that when we go to bed
it's actually from two and a half men
A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
I guess it's funny, but to me it's slightly terrifying. "How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
"How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
a guy calls a bar one night and asks for his friend Mr. I.P freely
then the bartender calls out I pee freely (bar patrons laugh).
then the bartender calls out I pee freely (bar patrons laugh).
Either that was funny, or I'm really tired and that was funny.
It wasn't funny.
Yeah so good sign to get some sleep then I guess.
As the 24th hour hits... I tend to agree
a guy calls a bar one night and asks for his friend Mr. I.P freely
then the bartender calls out I pee freely (bar patrons laugh).
then the bartender calls out I pee freely (bar patrons laugh).
Either that was funny, or I'm really tired and that was funny.
It wasn't funny.
Yeah so good sign to get some sleep then I guess.
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