Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Topic: Tell us a joke.... - page 7. (Read 35088 times)
here is another joke from me, enjoy it 
)))
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
)))A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
Hahaha, I got this joke. Judas colluded with Peter to let the FBI in! (It's the most probable scenario because FBI agents can't get to the heaven after the death.)
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
Yo mama so stupid, she put all your college fund into Cryptsy for safe keeping because she overheard that nobody's able to get their moneys out once deposited for a very long time.
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, the scale said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Yo mama so stupid, she got run over by a parked car.
Yo mama so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone line.
A blonde tries to call 911, but she can't find the "11" button on her phone
I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
ahahaha
I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
The first 4 posts at https://bitcointalksearch.org/topic/m.13158490.
EDIT: Some of us have way too much time on our hands.
EDIT: Some of us have way too much time on our hands.
Question: How do you make 1 Million dollars in the stock market
Answer: Start with 2 Million
Answer: Start with 2 Million
Question: How does one get their money off Cryptsy?
Answer: Jump through hoops via various cryptocurrencies available on any given day till you reach your monthly quota, then repeat the process again during subsequent months making double sure to not voice ANY opinion on Cryptsy's chat when it's availalbe for fear of being censured then banned.
Question: How do you make 1 Million dollars in the stock market
Answer: Start with 2 Million
Answer: Start with 2 Million
how do you get a blond to fall when hanging from a tree?
Wave. (she waves back and falls )
Wave. (she waves back and falls )
Do I know theymos?
One afternoon theymos and I were fishin' on Lake Titicaca when this massive pile of floatin' Zerlan shit bumped into our boat. theymos pulled out a gun from his tackle box and ordered me to eat it. I said, "I can't do that!" but he insisted, threatenin' to blow my bloody brains out if I didn't comply. What could I do? He had a gun. So I ate the massive pile of Zerlan shit, then we went back to a fishin'.
Moments later, a massive pile of floatin' Cryptsy shit bumped into our boat. I now pulled out a gun from my tackle box and ordered themos to eat it. He said, "I can't do that!" but I insisted, threatenin' to blow his bloody brains out if he didn't comply. What could he do? I now had the gun. So he ate the massive pile of Cryptsy shit, then we went back to a fishin'.
And you asked me if I know theymos. We had lunch together.
Wilfred had just learned his ABCs and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class. He stood in front of the class trembling and began.
"A B C D E F G H I J L K M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z."
His teacher said, "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
He replied, "It's running down my leg."
"A B C D E F G H I J L K M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z."
His teacher said, "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
He replied, "It's running down my leg."
"There you are! Boy, am I gonna teach you a new variant of hide-n-seek that you're simply gonna love. I see you're already dressed to play the game, so put the stick down and let's get started."
hmm that made me laugh
It goes hand-in-hand (no pun intended) with my other classic:
A Christian was very thirsty late one night while walking home from work. He opted to frequent a bar, being that was the only establishment open. He approached the bartender...
Christian: Hey, Mack, may I have a bottle of water.
Bartender (Mack): I know you?
Whereupon the the Christian couldn't leave the bar fast enough fearing for his behind.
Christian: Hey, Mack, may I have a bottle of water.
Bartender (Mack): I know you?
Whereupon the the Christian couldn't leave the bar fast enough fearing for his behind.
"There you are! Boy, am I gonna teach you a new variant of hide-n-seek that you're simply gonna love. I see you're already dressed to play the game, so put the stick down and let's get started."
hmm that made me laugh
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."
From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.
The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"
"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
Nice Joke.From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.
The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"
"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
I don't know any good joke my friends
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