Topic: Will you leave gambling if your future wife/husband tells you to do this ? - page 13. (Read 1900 times)

Surely, why should anyone do otherwise!?

If someone prefers to leave their wife/husband or even their friends because of gambling, then they are certainly already sick and need to review their gambling habits.

Gambling needs to be seen as a form of entertainment and should never interfere with the relationships we have with other people.
I believe, however, that there should be a "middle ground" making it possible to reconcile gambling with family relationships or friendships.
However, if this is not possible, we should certainly prioritize friends and family, always!

But you are really describing someone I wouldn't even call a gambler like someone who spends significant amounts of time and money on the activity. If someone likes to play chess for money with friends on the weekends, it is a form of gambling, but one I wouldn't consider dangerous or potentially dangerous most of the time. If it truly is just a form of entertainment for a person like going into the cinema where there is no financial risk involved, then yes, you are right about that. But I think it's rather a rare case and a wife wouldn't really feel the need to say something. But even if the husband isn't spending a lot of money on gambling, what is a wife supposed to think when instead of sharing time with his wife he is instead sitting 8 hours per day on the weekend in front of his screen rolling the dice? 

Right, playing football or swimming does not involve future risk as gambling could develop into. But you have also keep in mind that in the eyes of the husband, it is a hobby and a source of entertament, one as a gambler do not see the risk of it beyond the money one is putting at stake right at the moment.
If you asked someone to stop gambling, in the mind it may not be very different from asking someone else to stop riding bicycle on the weekends or swimming with their friends at the local pool, all of them would initially feel attacked and those petitions would be seen as an injustice.

If a spouse can understand that before aproaching their husband and put herself on his shoes, then that would be a wonderful woman, instead of one who just wishes to impose her rules on every member of her family.

Great point of view and it could also express her deep desire and appreciation for the relationship if she is brave enough to raise her voice. I think many relationships are not necessarily very balanced and a wife would feel like she better not say anything. As you said, in the first moment it may feel awkward, but that's the case for both. But in hindsight I think as a man the right course of action would be carefully consider what's actually happening and why she said what she said instead of instantly feeling the need to push her back and stick to the habit.

As for sacrifices have to come from both sides, well I guess it depends on what we are talking about. Gambling can be a dangerous thing and a wife might feel anxiety that even if it seems to be under control today, it could get out of control tomorrow. It's not like she asks a partner to stop playing soccer for fun or not go swimming anymore. These hobbies don't involve the potential for addictions and tough long-term consequences.

If her motivations are reasonable, then yes. I could see quiting some habits and perhaps a hobby if she can convince me those are leading the relationship towards a bad end.
Though, knowing myself, I know I would feel inflexible at first and try to keep doing what I like, though, in the end the most important thing for anyone is family and a wife is part of it.

If we have children and she asked me to do so for the sake of them and not to endanger their economical well being, I would then accept but if she can also promise to show some sacrife as well and save money herself from other activies and whims she spends money on, like shopping unnecessary stuff or eating in fancy places more than she is supposed to.

I would even encourage her to put that cash in a long term saving account for our holidays or something like it. I would not marry someone who would be willing to ask me for sacrifices when she would not do the same.

Agree, it would be good if we were open to our wives about the hobbies we like, even if it's about gambling, but our wives have to know everything about us, there's nothing to hide if you talk to your wife about gambling hobbies, she can accept it or not That is a consequence that we must accept, so as not to damage relationships in a family because of the mistake you made, namely lying to your wife.

Definitely yes, there’s no point on not leaving gambling and making your partner feel bad for you.
Gambling is just there to entertain, and have some money which you can also get on other market or other way so  better to follow your partner and have a happy life. If you want to entertain then play some games or sports, and if you want to have some profit then make a business or you can just trade, there’s a lot of alternatives for gambling so don’t make any excuses for this.

not only the shame or glory, but one the important factors here is the financial condition of the family. this is why it is good to discuss it with your better half because we all know that one major reasons of trouble at home is owed to financial aspect of living.
so you need to seriously consider your gambling habit if you think it is causing financial imbalance in your family.

If the opinions of random people and associates doesn’t really matter to you, the opinions of your significant other should be, at the very least be taken into consideration.

As a family, your shame or glory also rubs off on your partner. Sometimes, we can be oblivious or purposefully dismissive to the negative effects our habits brings and what better person to notice all these and try to call you to order than your partner.
Communication is important in a healthy relationship and putting aside your pride to listen to opinions from your partner could grow and strengthen your relationship and trust in each other.

He doesn't necessarily have to be a bad husband until such request emerges out of his wife's mouth. Mutual understanding plays a long role in choices and decision of people, especially married couple. The wife may come from a home where gambling is forbidden. She won't feel comfortable staying with a gambler for the rest of her life. She'll never get complete rest and harmony, until you stop and explain better. And it'll take a long time to build the mutual understanding before she'll allow you gamble or even join. But, stopping immediately she suggests it can help fasten the time it'll take before she gets comfortable with gambling. Because the attitudes we exhibit in a family can make the naysayer a yeasayer. She may have been set aside for a quarrel, before mentioning that to her husband. So, the best choice is to follow her guidance. Given time she'll wonder, why things changed with this particular gambler. Maybe the gamblers she's met in her life were toxic and would go crazy when someone tells them to stop. It depends on the beginning of the woman. Two wrongs can't make a right. Soon, the woman can see in the attitude of her husband that she, the woman, is wrong. The point is that agreeing to her terms should be the first step, towards letting her understand gambling better; mutualism. As she'll definite need her husband to know more on gambling. She'd ask questions like; why do you gamble? how did you start gambling? how much have you made in gambling? wives will definitely ask the last question. How we present the answers can build for the both parties a better discussion sections on gambling. With examples and proves. No matter how long it takes to convince her, it'll look like few days. When you look back. The fun of convincing your wife to understand the benefits and primary aim of gambling. Causes of gambling addiction. These are things that can be memorable and makes fun, the marriage. All can't be the same. Hence we must make every thing we do fun. Follow with caution.

If you trust and sees your wife always as a reasonable, wise and sensible person, then go ahead and do as she says. However, in other cases her opinion may only reflect a personal insecurity or fear she has about the husband's gambling behavior. She might not have any reasons to argue he is addicted to gambling or harming the family through his hobby, but still want him to stop, because she fears it will grow and get more intense at some point that he won't be able to leave anymore. Then I think the husband must be the reasonable person in the conversation to calm her down and explain he doesn't need to stop gambling in order to avoid an addiction and potential further negative consequences. The couple can reach a middle term, without extreme outcomes for both sides.

I can only stop gambling if it affects me negatively and not positively. These are a little that will make me stop gambling, I do not need to be lectured when I'm over doing it.

1) When it affects my retirement plans I'm off.
2) Gambling ends the day, I begin borrowing to gamble.
3) Gambling officially ends the day i begin selling luxuries around to gamble

There are more to be attached but these, I can remember very well. As much as you're self aware, you do not need to be told before you stop.

If my partner sees that I’m already addicted and gambling affects our relationship and our family, then definitely yes because he/she will not tell you this if you are still doing fine. Well, I do gamble occasionally only so there’s no harm for me to stop gambling anytime and I’m ready for it. Know that you should respect your partner and choose what’s the best for your family, don’t be selfish and don’t think about yourself only.

I think for my partner to complain about my gambling habits that means it has gotten to a stage that it is becoming dangerous to me or affecting the family financially,  I have no choice than to stop just for peace to reign in the family. I don't think if gambling is really favouring me my wife would want me to stop , so if my wife ask me  to stop gambling I will listen to her expecially if I have really check myself if to continue playing gamble is good for me. It is only something that is affecting men negatively that their wife will always be worried of, if it is something benefiting the family she won't complain.

this fall under the statement "it won't hurt if they don't know"  but what if your wife happened to discover your gambling habit and asked you to stop?  Would you comply?  I think this is the question asked in this thread and not about revealing our gambling habit to our relatives and love ones.  The fact that the question states would we stop if our future partner in life asked us to stop gambling means they already know that we are already engaged in gambling activity.

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About the question, I will think of it and possibly consider but of course there is always a room for discussion, maybe I will make an appeal...  

Well, try to explain how we gamble. Tell her that we gamble in a proper way and never risk the financial stability because it is for small allocation only. We also don't chase the wins, it is just the way to get entertainment. The prize or winning money is just the bonus from the gambling games. We don't target to win on every gambling game. So, she doesn't need to worry because we gamble in a normal way, we aren't addicts. In this way, I'm sure she will understand and accept our situation.

Don't hurry to stop as long as gambling doesn't ruin our life. Just ensure the future wife understand the real condition!

If you are someone who is married, of course you will really respect the best decision that your partner or wife wants and do what he says because stopping gambling is the best way for him when he sees unhealthy gambling activities. And if you may not be married or just want to get married, of course a man will obey whatever his partner says, whether married or unmarried, because a real man will always obey his partner as a form of respect for him. But not all gamblers can do this because in reality there are still many addicted gamblers who would rather lose their family than stop gambling.

As someone who is still not addicted or has no indication of gambling addiction, this might happen. Because after all, there are reasons when our wife or husband asks us to stop. Sometimes, the people closest to us understand our condition more deeply than we do. And of course they do that because they are worried about the negative impacts of gambling addiction. And all this must be done through calm discussion so that both of them can come to or decide something with a cool head. But whatever the final result, of course make sure it's the best for both of you, not just you. Because that is the essence of a relationship.

It's obviously you are in the dilemma, and I think it depends on why your wife or husband are asking you to do quit gambling.

- you prioritized gambling
- you life is ruined, not just the both of you, but your kids as well

So in this case, your wife/husband has every right to ask you and if you didn't then for sure there will be divorce. So it's really up to you to answer that question. But if I'm in that situation and I still do love my wife or husband, then I might try as hard as I can to quit to salvage our marriage. You also have to see where the other party is coming from and not just you or your gambling activity. Because gambling as well is one cause of divorce and then your kids are going to suffer.

You must have been a terrible husband for your wife for your wife to say that you should stop gambling. Gambling has ended some relationships and marriage because of the lack of mutual understanding. I don't there is any reason why your wife will tell you not to gamble, not nice unless there is a reason that justify her demand, I will not do it because I will not stop her from doing her hobbies either so long it doesn't affect her marital vows and same goes to mine as well.

If she give her own reasons why I should quit gambling and points are pick, I will quit because I will equally do anything to save my marriage but if she just feel like I need to quit without any concrete reason, then I'm afraid I can't because some people naturally don't like gamblers, they don't want to see anything like gambling around them, I'm not sure why they are wired like that but those people need to chill, there's nothing wrong with gambling.