Everyone,
We are working on a second DigiByte promotional video with a professional voiceover. So far here is the script we have. What does everyone think? What other hit points can we make?
Remember our goal is to keep things as simple and straight forward as possible.
Okay, so, what is a DigiByte?
DigiByte is a form of currency. Kinda like dollars, euros, yen, or even bitcoin.
But unlike traditional currencies, DigiByte doesn’t require a financial institution for transactions to take place.
While a dollar might be sent from one person’s bank to a credit card processor to another person’s bank, DigiBytes are sent directly from peer-to-peer.
And by cutting out the middleman, you’re cutting out most of the processing fees that typically come along with each transaction.
But each transaction still needs to be verified, to ensure that someone doesn’t spend the same DigiByte twice.
So each DigiByte transaction is verified electronically by other peers in the DigiByte network - and they get a little reward for doing so.
DigiBytes can be sent and received anywhere in the world with an internet connection.
Unlike Bitcoin, DigitByte transactions are fully confirmed within 3 minutes, instead an hour.
And DigiByte’s state-of-the-art security makes it 5 times more secure than Bitcoin.
You send data in megabytes and gigabytes, why not send money in DigiBytes?
Get your DigiByte wallet today at digibyte.co
should it be "instead of an hour" on line 9?
yes, i think so too. it should be "instead of an hour" on Line 9.
ORIGINAL: Okay, so, what is
a DigiByte?
SUGGESTION: Okay, so what is Digibyte?
REASON: sounds better in my opinion. no obligation. just my 2 cents.
ORIGINAL: And by cutting out the middleman, you’re cutting out most of the processing fees that typically come along with each transaction.
SUGGESTION:
Using Digibytes will cut out the middleman,
saving you from most of the processing fees that typically come along with each transaction.
REASON: emphasize on "using" digibytes.
ORIGINAL: So each DigiByte transaction
is verified electronically...
SUGGESTION: So each DigiByte transaction
will be verified electronically...
REASON: better English? haha...need approval from other people here.
ORIGINAL: DigiBytes can be sent and received anywhere in the world with an internet connection.
SUGGESTION:
You can send and receive Digibytes anywhere in the world with an internet connection.
REASON: Putting the user + Digibyte into the picture together rather than solely focusing on Digibyte. From what i have learn from my Marketing lessons if i am not mistaken, never separate the Consumer and the Product. important to repeatedly make links/connections between the 2 of them.
I think your suggestions are good - the active voice is always better than the passive when trying to communicate dynamism and encourage action.
With regards to "each DigiByte transaction", I think the correct tense is the present however, since it is something that is always true and always happens:
each DigiByte transaction is verified electronicallyOne thing I'd like to add: it might be worth explaining the "peer to peer" phraseology since the non-technical may not understand that at first. Something like "DigiBytes are sent directly
from peer-to-peer, or in everyday terms, from one user directly to another" might be advisable.
You might also be more specific with "type of currency". That kind of vague language makes it look like the writer either doesn't know, or is hiding something. I would suggest "a cryptographic digital currency", which is very specific and describes exactly what it is.
Never start a sentence or paragraph with "but" - "but" is a conjunction. In this case the word "nevertheless" is much more appropriate. (line 6)
In line 7 "small reward" is much better than "little reward" - the first communicates information regarding size, and the second evokes subliminal questions about whether it is worth doing or not.
Consistently coherent organization is important as well. Wouldn't line 8 be better right after line 4, for example? Or might it not even be better if it were directly incorporated into the end of line 4?
Negative statements about the competition are to be very carefully considered and used sparingly. Negativity of any kind in promotional materials is generally not advised. "DigiByte transactions are fully confirmed within 3 minutes" might be enough in and of itself. "DigiByte’s state-of-the-art security makes it 5 times more secure than first generation, single algo digital currencies" might also be worth considering as it is more positive and focuses mainly on DigiByte's lead and distinction in general, rather than a tit-for-tat battle with someone else who you might even be indirectly suggesting is better than you by the very fact that you feel the need to compare directly (also, this line begins with "and", and, again, conjunctions should not be used to start sentences - "and" should be omitted here as well).
As others have already confirmed, the correct phrase is "instead of".
That's my "quick look" contribution. If I had more time I'd take a closer look, but by the looks of things here with this community, I'm sure we'll all get a final edit that is the best it can possibly be.
Cheers everyone.
