necro-bump.... (because why not, and I've had a couple)......
Actually truth be told, stories like this make me like religion, not hate it.....
So Jesus and Moses were hanging out in heaven, totally bored (what a surprise)
So Jesus says "dude, I'm sick of this shit, lets go downstairs to earth where the real action is and have some fun.
Lets go do miracles!"
Moses with a gleam in his eye, replies "oh I'm there dude! lets do it man, I still have my chops! So, how 'bout we head to the old holy land .?
Maybe even find a talking bush and set it on fire! But I ain't wandering in the desert for forty years! It's too frikkin hot and these sandals give me blisters."
So... (you always start a good story with "so" these days. "AND SO" if its religious babble...I mean Bible nonsense)....
So, Jesus is like "cool bro, how 'bout you grab that big ole staff of yours and you part the Red Sea just for shitz 'n giggles!?"
So, Moses is like "oh yeah, and then you walk across the water, and maybe even leap over the big ole chasm I make!
oh, and don't forget to to turn the water into a couple a jugs of wine cuz we're gonna partaaaay brother!! (none of that Riunite shit though)
"Sounds like a plan my man!" replies the true messiah himself.
AND SO.. They headed down to earth and they arrive at holy land beach.
AND SO... Moses turns towards the Red Sea, and lifts his staff on high, and spreads his arms to the heavens.
AND SO... The angels began to sing and the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted.
AND THEN... Moses lowered his arms,
AND...with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus. OK dude, your turn, lets see you do your thing!
AND SO... with a flourish of his robes, Jesus steps onto the waters of the Red Sea and begins to stride across without so much as a ripple.
"Check it out bro! now I'm gonna walk out on water, run and jump over the giant part in the Red Sea you just made! woo hoo "
But to Moses' bewilderment, halfway across the water, just as Jesus gets up to leaping speed, with each step taken, he slowly starts sinking into the water!
Moses watches with horror as his buddy, the Savior, the son of God himself, the true Messiah, is now splashing and flailing helplessly in the drink!
Poor Jesus begins to choke, while the waves toss him around, like a waterlogged rag doll.
AND SO...Moses, upon seeing his side kick, the almighty Messiah, clearly in trouble, swims out to save him from his watery grave.
AND....Moses drags Jesus, using the lifeguard hold, back thru the now un-parted choppy Red Sea. (he had to drop his staff, you see)
AND.... Moses lays The Savior out on the beach, "Hey Jesus" says an enlightened Moses, as he looked down
on his buddy on his back with arms outstretched no less, "I got an idea...now you can make a sand Angel!".
AND SO...Jesus flapped his arms and legs in the sand and HE DID make a sand angel!
AND SO...Between gasps and hack-ups of mouthfuls of salt water, Jesus splutters
"Moses I'm saved! You SAVED me... Praise the lord!... oh wait... I AM the lord!....damn it bro, what went wrong?"
Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said,
"Don't worry about it, dude. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet.".....
PA DA BOOM PSHHHHH.....
"hey, nice sand angel though!".....