Topic: What do you do to calm down you're anger? - page 51. (Read 17454 times)

just abstract away from something\someone that irritates me

I put on music that I know helps me calm down.  After it plays for a few minutes, i almost always calm down.

Calm down by breathing

I just get some tea to calm my nerves.

Personally I go for a walk in the country / park and sit down and think out my issues. I also think how small and insignificant they are to some people who are suffering in horrific ways. It allows me to see perspective and think from multiple points of view.

in fact, I have never lost my temper, I am a  very calm person
it' almost impossible to make me get mad so I do nothing)

When I get angry, I often go to crowded places, go shopping, have coffee or go to the cinema because many people will make me less angry. Shopping, watching movies, coffee will make me forget things that make me angry

Eat chocolate to calm down

You could try a quick visualization technique whenever you feel that anger is coming.. you know the feeling.

Do this:

- whatever first thought pops into mind, ignore it and try to "feel" like you're dumb (make a face if you have to)
- don't move a muscle, stay put physically for a few seconds
- feel the actual heat wave of the anger and become the anger, there is no separation between you and the anger
- get your entire system in a state similar to when you're waiting for something to happen, but don't think of anything - let the feeling overwhelm you (whatever that is) until its last drop leaves your body

All of this should take between 5 - 20 seconds, depending on circumstances.

If it worked, you're not angry anymore. Do this every time you feel the anger coming. Act fast, it's most effective when spotted early.

If it didn't work, try thinking why "X" external factor (person/action/news) "made you angry". Better still, find reasons why it's not about you and why it's about them. (ie. if someone says I'm a fool because I work too much, maybe it's all about them - they are angry because they are lazy and don't have my opportunities, so why would I get angry?)

Incorporate that into your metaphor.

Repeat as needed and with time you won't be angry more than 0-3 seconds, which is kind of nice.



It's hard to explain, but bare with me - this is the first time I'm trying to put this into words.

Anger in itself is a human emotion. I don't feel there is anything wrong in getting angry...once in awhile...the important thing is not to say anything or take a decision/act while in that state of anger. That being said, I 'try' as much as possible to ignore the person making me angry, walk away from the situation or listen to music (classical or blues, not rap/hard rock, lol). Often times I find removing myself/tots from what is causing the anger calms me down. There are situations as well when its not a recent even that is making me angry,it could simply be recounting/talking about a past event and the anger 'creeps in' as if its happening all over again. Those times its better to change topic. Why talk about what you can't go back to change?

Anger is a useful emotion.  It motivates us to take action when we experience injustice or someone is hindering our ability to meet our needs.  Without anger people would let others walk all over their toes.

What matters is our behavioral response to anger.  A model I like states:  emotion -> action -> consequence.

We need to learn how to 'effectively' deal with anger.  And sometimes this takes being calm.  

Interpersonal effectiveness will help us deal with anger effectively and thus reduce the anger.  If we take action which is doing nothing to resolve the issue the anger will continue or get worse.

I really like the following mnenomics for interpersonal effectiveness:  DEAR MAN GIVE FAST

For objective effectiveness (asking someone to do something or saying no):  DEAR MAN.

1.  Describe.  Describe the situation.  Stick to the facts without emotion.
2.  Express. Only after describing the facts do you express how you feel.  

If you instantly go to expressing emotion people tend to get defensive.  You want to start with just the facts, with a rational and disconnected communication.

3.  Assert.  Make a request or say no to something.
4.  Reinforce.  Let the person know the benefits of going along with your request and consequences of not.

And we want to do it:

a.  Mindfully.
b.  Appear Confident.
c.  Negotiate if needed.

GIVE and FAST describe relationship effectiveness, how to maintain relationships, and self esteem effectiveness or how to maintain your self esteem.  That is a different topic.

Now if you cannot do these things:

We can subside anger by

A.  Engaging in opposite to emotion action, such as watching a happy movie.
B.  Practicing acceptance.  If there is nothing you can do about it you must accept it.
C.  Practice self soothing.  I place a hand on my chest and a hand on my stomach.
D.  Get sleep, eat well, abstain from drugs and alcohol, and exercise.  These reduce your vulnerability to stress and anger.
E.  Meditate.  This calms the mind.
F.   Deep breathing.  Really calming.

Of course this is just one viewpoint.

Oh, and you have to actually PRACTICE these things.

when i get angry i will take a deep breath and then release it slowly
but if that does not work I go take a bath

need to drink milk!

listing music while drinking alot of coffee than try to sleep many hours

The best thing that I do is, I leave that place for little time. then I can cool down. but, I think , I'm out of control lot of times.

I'm just listening to music

I think of a memry in my childhood. Always calms me down

Im thinking that I will not have a benefit when im getting angry, and Im also thinking of some happy thoughts to calm down and control my anger

You should immediately leave what make you angry, go to the kitchen and drinking a glass of water, it always works with me .

maybe thoughts about something pleasant? I don't become angry very often but when it comes I can hardly control myself